he was the able-bodied boychik,
the sugar-stemmed wallflower
that looked into his mama's eyes
and saw a carnival
each time;
a mirror filled
beyond capacity
[standing room only, cried the irises;
sold-out show, wailed the pupils at the door]
and yet
if he could polish up those
little red veins
arms bent akimbo in trails
of circulation
he'd strangle his maturity
and frame his mama's eyes in gold
two little mirrors of her mind
imagine when he looked and saw
in the crystal mirrors that day
(mushroom boy saw not irises
but gold and silent glass)
that
the carnival had moved away for good.
Author notes
author name: narcissus at oasis
Whoa. That was trippy.
In mama's eyes, there's always something going on back there...mirrors are akin to the mind.
Longer than what I normally write, so bear with me.
Contest entry.
A contest entry
- Mirrors by Melissa Gayle.
300 points, ended March 23, 2007, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Top Ten by DancingRed.
800 points, ended April 5, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Festival: Round Two [Invite Only] by Tangled Angle.
450 points, ended December 12, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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BTW In the 2nd to last line, I would say "when" instead of "that"
because then you are saying "that day that" - "that day when" sounds better and flows nicer.
Just my opinion. Besides that though, this is definitely gold worthy, congrats.
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Wow.
Very powerful, poignant poem.
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Welcome to the top ten.
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EXCELLENT
this was truly amazing!
simply brilliant!I don't know what to say...it's faultless from its start till the very end and I confess that I'm pleasently shoked(if anyone can feel so) about the intriguing style and word-combinations!
"he'd strangle his maturity
and frame his mama's eyes in gold"...these are the bomb of the poem!
excellent job!
P.S: check out my 2 contests maybe you'll feel isnpired!I would love to read something from you on those topics
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This is fantastic and I am not quite sure why you haven't received comments on it.
Your opening stanza immediately captures the reader and the involvement is continued throughout.
Extremely well done.
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