Forever transient
within these hallowed halls
patiently waiting for a freedom
that somehow I know
will never be forthcoming
Prisoner to this Victorian abode
I am destined to spend my days
as eyewitness to the ever changing world
that lays outside the window
unable to pass into that incandescent light
My own recklessness has cursed me
how dare I ever think that I could
just decide to empty my veins
to leave behind my father's twisted love
and be allowed to travel to a higher existence
In my bedroom I am destined to remain
as I watch the grandchildren of my best friends
pass from this earth one by one
all leaving me behind to ponder the punishment
for my one and only selfish act
"Fate is a cruel irony"
I once heard my mother say
but it wasn't until this moment
was I able to comprehend those words
realising the ghost of time is my only friend
Now I am merely a wispy silhouette
of the child I used to be
and my mother's voice echoes loudly
scattering my thoughts like dust
for the only thing truly haunted here is me.
Author notes
Directly inspired by the picture. option 4 suicide etc.
A contest entry
- Thorns in Bloom by Haunted Doll.
625 points, ended March 20, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - im baaack!!! by nobodys-girl.
500 points, ended April 8, 2007, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Halloween Anything!!! by near1202apocalypse.
550 points, ended October 16, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ghost Writes by BabyBun.
380 points, ended August 18, 2008, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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wow this is one very powerful write. looking at suicide from the other side. lessons from my past is what this reminded me of. to be punished for taking ones life. some see suicide as a way out.. but its not always what they think it is. its final, once its done there is no going back, and trying to fix things.. sad but true. to be cursed for all eternity, to walk alone with no one, is a fate worse than death.. but to some its not much different that what they left behind huh?
as I was reading, I found a typo...5th stanza, last line 1st word. "realising" = "realizing"
Congratulations on the Gold & Silver Trophy Daddy.
I love you
kat
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Great entry - thanks and best of luck.
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Poetic, and beautiful
Its a sad, but beautiful poem! Good luck in the contest! -
This echoes of times when women were property, either of their fathers or their husband and they were not allowed voice to their feelings. You could easily have written this as a vignette in prose, rather than a poem. You do so well at putting your audience inside your characters mind. Well done! ~ Karen
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Many thanks
Thanks for the wonderful comment, believe it or not I was not a great student as far as literature and prose went. I am unfamiliar with the vignette style you speak of.
I get an image in my mind when I write and try to convey it as best as I can to the reader so they get an inkling into the mindset of myself or the character at the moment it was written, lending itself to mostly free formed writing.
In this case you have confirmed that the effort on this piece has worked, and that is what gives me the most pleasure.
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wow - this is amazing - truely haunting and eerie and filled with regret!
The pic is amazing and i think your take on it was so wonderful and fitting - and suicide seems to be such a cliche subject here but your poem wasnt cliche at all!
And what a great way to end it!
Well done -
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Thanks again for the wonderful comment. I try not to be cliche with anything I write, but sometimes when your slave to the muse, he/she may chose a subject that is well worn, its just a matter of trying to adapt the thoughts into a different view of it.
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this is so sad...but really good. my favorite part would have to be "how dare I ever think that I could
just decide to empty my veins to leave behind my father's twisted love and be allowed to travel to a higher existence" it really hit me hard.amazing write, good luck in my contest and thankyou for entering. -
Chilling
However, Excellent! I'm tellin' ya, this gave me chills. I suppose it reflects something in me. Though I know what it was.....
YerTweetyness
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Great telling of this story...Great quotes too
Nyet!
I am not Johnny D... though I have a son that went by Jonny5 when he was young do to a movie about artificial intelligence in a robot..;o)
Love these quotes Ep...
"Live life for today, not for all the yesterdays you wish to do over"
"Patience may be appreciated, but tolerance earns respect"
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Amazing Poem!!!
Wow, What a wonderful poem. Your imagery told a wonderful story. I felt her spirit was trapped within that house and that she had a sorrowful life and met a sad ending there somehow. This is one of your best and I think should win Gold. Such a pleasure to read.
You take care,
Sandy
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WOW
impressive write.Eerie...very haunting,a girls spirit trapped in the bonds of her room watching others leave this world only wanting to leave herself.A very awesome way to put a spirit trapped within this world.
An awesome write you have penned here.The imagery is astounding and the emotions run cold.Making for an eerie piece.
Good Luck in your contest
Blessings
~Cheryl~
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"Now I am merely a wispy silhouette
of the child I used to be
and my mother's voice echoes loudly
scattering my thoughts like dust
for the only thing truly haunted here is me." yes the whole ending! I loved it so!! That is what really broke my heart in a good way
well done!
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The words do indeed describe the picture perfectly, but without the picture, the words weave their own story, such a sad, tragic tale. A child taken so young and left to haunt, with time passing, forever to stand and stare, no release in sight.
I loved this poem, it's very strong. Good luck in the contest, but I dont think you'll need it...Sue
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~Hard reality through words~
A very haunting write, I felt the person speaking within your words
had committed suicide , slicing away to drain the blood from her fathers
touches sigh, and was now looking through the curtains of the house she
once lived. A catholic version of perhaps living in purgatory as it is seen as a sin
very haunting indeed, well worded an well played out.
you have done well friend you have done well... sigh still pondering this write
as I close.
Frozentearz
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That, at least to some extent, was the intention. To convey how some view that those who commit suicide have a cursed existence, but also to highlight the fact that some "ghosts" may not have forgiven themselves for things they have done and confined themselves as punishment. I just tried to look beyond the cliche of why ghosts exist.
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