Only us... the moon
Ugly things were beautiful
Revealing our emotions
Sin was committed
It is given the name: Lust
Not to us - it is just love
Author notes
Uh... I hope everything is right this time...
A contest entry
- Acrostic Sedokas {edit} by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended March 31, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Everything is now correct, and it is a great piece, not that it wasn't before but it wasnt correct for the contest. Thanks for taking my challenge.
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Yes, you have now gotten down the acrostic, however, now your syllable beats is off. In the first three lines, they all have an extra syllable. Your second pair of three lines are correct. Remember, the syllable pattern is 5/7/7
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You missed the whole concept of this having to ALSO be an acrostic. So, you're going to have to revise and rewrite this entire poem if you want to stay in.
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I think this is written very well!
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