Raindrop falling on wood
such an interesting sound
one little thing
yet so profound
A raindrop dropping
fulfilling its duty
to bring the essence of life
back to earth to repenish and rejuvenate
also helps the blind man see
producing a tone to clear the path for him
The sight of a single raindrop
stunning in its own right
amazing how a little drop of water
could bring the nutrients
essential to the earth
Makes us appreciate the storms
in all their glory
for they bring nature's wrath
and her mercy
for if no storms,
no life giving fluid,
we die
A contest entry
- 1000 POINTS FOR THE WINNER! by forget my memories.
1350 points, ended March 20, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Quixotically Yours.
300 points, ended May 31, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Beautiful, The Ugly - - The Best. by saartha.
650 points, ended June 1, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Thank you for your submission. Let's see what I can find to critique.
Stanza 1: The word 'interesting' isn't a very emotional or (ironically) interesting word. It doesn't give us any insight about how you really feel about the subject. Choose a more effective adjective.
Stanza 2: Try not to reuse action-images. We got the mental impression of the raindrop falling in the first stanza, it's unnecessary for you to make us imagine it again.
The last two lines (about the blind man) of this stanza seem a little random. If you expanded on that idea, or made it somehow central to the idea behind of rain, then it would be more fitting. Actually, I would find it pretty interesting to see the poem worked into his viewpoint-- rain, from the blind-man's perspective.
Stanza 3: Same issue with the word 'amazing' as there was with the word 'interesting.' It's been so overused that it's lost a lot of meaning.
Stanza 4: The ending feels strange. I think it's got too negative of a connotation after such a positive poem. Maybe...'and her mercy,/in life-giving fluid.' Something like that might work.
Thank you again for your submission. Good luck with the rewrite! -
I love the format ~ I think you did a fastastic job conveying that~ Good luck in the contest! Believe me when I say I really enjoyed it~ nice poem.
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Well Done
Like I have said before free style suits you. I like the natrual flow of this one good luck in the contest sweetie.
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Well done. Stated so elequently. A raindrop, the tinest morsel, that gives life to so much. Bringing forth life where there once was death. I love this. I love the rain and spring and this captivates it so beautifully. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest
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thank you so much for entering my contest! the flow was good.
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