The tale I have to tell, I fear,
Will be relegated to the realm of Science Fiction
I say I fear, gentle reader, because it is neither
It contains only as much science as I know; that,
Apparently, is none
And I have never been able to write fiction--
only autobiography and opinion
So perhaps the critick will be
Gentle and forgiving with me,
If my story smacks of the unbelievable
But I digress.
Where was I?
Ah.
It was on a day much like any other
(Any other in my time, you understand
Or maybe you don't.
Nay, I shouldn't expect you to.)
My uncle and father in great debate over
Napkins,
Whether polite to use, or pointless cloth
Or a trap to snare the uneducated
(But the uneducated in use of napkins must surely fall into other traps first.)
Debate over napkin rings,
And whether they were legitimate pieces of equipment
And whether one might only use rings,
Or could get away with napkin squares or napkin triangles
Or travel abroad (Or travel narrow)
And places they had been;
Battles my uncle had fought
(And the ******-wound he had recieved).
Or the courtship of a lady;
Which led inevitably to vulgar subjects
*********, ********, I will not discuss them here.
You understand, madam.
Meanwhile I took a turn about out of doors.
No fear here, ay?
The two villainous scalliwags--
Or no, they weren't, but I thought so then
Were seen to be puttering with the Universe.
I knew this, for I had once puttered with it, and
Unlocked its secrets
Which is nothing a gentleman should do.
They were, I say, puttering--
But my account grows long
Long, as measured by this Age
An gnat's life equally long in any other, as long is seen in this Age.
But, as I wish not to offend the gentle critick
Or try his patience more than is wise,
I will say goodnight.
Author notes
I still hold to my contention that were Mr. Shandy writing his life and opinions today, they would be in free verse.
EDIT: People were complaining about the background, so I changed it. I hope this is better.
A contest entry
- Anything Contest by PrettyxoxPoison.
300 points, ended April 10, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Fantastic! This is an amazing write. I think the staggered structure adds even greater impact to the emotional content, giving your words such a potency. Excellent work!
~Lori
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Thank you.
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Wow--I adore this, and I adore you--"My uncle and father in great debate over
Napkins"--Is a wonderful wonderful thing...
I've always love this sort of tongue in cheek, hint of sarcasm, everyday life sort of poetry--and you've captured the essence of it perfectly.
--I really don't know what else to say--feel proud, it's not easy to shut me up
(The font/background combination is really painful on the eyes though XD)
In any events, welcome to my favourites list
-Nadya -
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Thank you very much.
I think I have to change that background now...
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This poetic story seems rather inspired, and seems to come from the moment. Often i find the poem is in the authors head, leaving me wishing i could hear more of the story and possibly less of the anecdotal thoughts, but if that was the case, this poem wouldn't be what it is. Congrats and i hope to hear more from the future of Tristram and its interesting people.
-Mal
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Thanks. Read the book, The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy for more about Tristram.
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Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it although I felt you strayed too far from the opening subject, giving it but brief attention at the end. I do like the sort of rambling verse created, it reads almost prose-like! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e
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Thanks. The straying was intentional, as it is in the spirit of the original book. Tristram starts to tell us one thing, gets off on a rabbit-trail, goes back to the original topic just long enough to be distracted by something else, etc.
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Loving this write!
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Very humorous and clever. I enjoyed reading this one it had some good points to reveal. Thanks for sharing.
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tehehehe, when a thought comes upon one, they must wonder of it to its conclusion even when it leads elsewhere. Reminds me of my simple poem "I had a Thought" great conversationalist write.
~*Starr*~ xxx -
I had to laugh as I read this. I loved how your wrote as though it were a conversation, and the meandering style echos the flow of that conversation! Highly enjoyable read!
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I like the concept of a great debate over napkins.
Maybe we should hold one lol. Well written. Love the imagery here. -
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Thanks.
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Interesting
You make me want to read about Tristram Shandy now because this is interesting. Thank you commenting on my last poem by the way deeply appreciated.
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Pertaining to the other comment: Yes, very witty.
I rather enjoyed it, for the simple reason that you show a wide vocabulary. It reminds me of some of the conversations my brother and I shared when we were in school together. We did use that kind of language (ie putter, nay, villainous scalliwags). For me, it was a stroll down Memory Lane. Kudos, Kupo. Great poetry.
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Thank you. Did you and your brother, perchance, read lots of old books?
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He most certainly did.
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Oh very witty indeed - (though I do wish it were more legible!)
Shandy - and Uncle Toby, are among my favourite fictional characters - and Sterne had a wonderful knack of being able to deal with "indelicate" matters delicately.
Your free verse catches an indefinable "something" that is indeed in the spirit of the original. -
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Thank you very much. By legible, do you mean the word/background combo? I shall have to work on that...
If you don't mind my asking, did you finish the whole book? I only ask because I heard someone recently say that EVERYONE who started that book never finished it. I have not yet, though I fully intend to. Thanks again for you comment.
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Well, surely the "book" - i.e. the narrative itself, was never "finished" - i.e. T.Sh never manages to bring his story up to date - but I have read all that exists,,,
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