When she's being nice to you
She's not doing it to be kind
She doesn't even like you
She's playing with your mind
What does she have
You think you need
What does she give you
What does she feed
Why let her trap you
Get out of her cage
It's her with the problem
It's her who should change
Why should you conform
She wants you just like the rest
Another brain dead zombie
Accepting second best
A contest entry
- Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I do like the message here ... but it's true, it isn't much of a narrative. It's absolutely a feeling that I bet many guys can relate to though... I could throw in my personal ideas on the subject, but you can ask me if you really want to know... The only bit of criticism I'd throw your way would be a quick look at that first stanza where you repeat "you", and the occasional rhythm problem... The message is strong though
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This is a good rhyming poem, but to me, anyway, it's not a narrative (story)
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I really like this poem especially the last stanza. You did an amazing job at getting the story across. Keep it up and continue penning!
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Good advise
Neat compact bouncy little poem I liked it Ray
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wonderful write ... i know a person who trys to do that but i wont play her game im gettin wise to her after all these years ..good luck in the contest xxx cheeky xxx
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wow
po its fab hun i love it
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Comes right at ya
Hard hitting piece, tesse. In one way I like her warning him of the danger. I like the fact, too, if one is a bit jaundiced (as I can be sometimes) that she has lost him and wants him back. {{Mayhaps I am reading too much into it.}}
poet
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Gosh...this is very interesting...dare I say enlightening...this has got me thinking(which is never a good thing)lol...hmm...you have just single handedly ruined every relationship I have with the opposite sex Excellent write!!! Thanks for sharing.
Whyitt U xxx
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Hmmmmm very interesting write and this I can relate to!! Amazing the control one can have on the other...Thanks again you put it into words so well!
Nicely done.
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