Absolved for all that was said and done
And wounds that healed over time
Yet the scars that remained
Forever tattoo a story
Of ashened dreams that long to be forgotten
A contest entry
- Quickie by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended April 6, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Mania by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Hmmm
I don't know but there's a feeling that there's something missing...but what?? The imagery really fulfills that sectioned void up nicely -
Deep
"Absolved for all that was said and done." I loved this line. I wish that I could take back a word or act that was never meant to hurt. I think we all have done something that we have regrets for. To be "absolved" of them. What a wonderful thought. -
So many interperatations can be made of this.
I am sure that all will find something they can relate to if they look hard enough.
For those who mearly read without seeing it is still a piece that conveys finding hope in lost causes. -
Hmm, know the feeling...you used kind of a cliche metaphor wither the wounds & scars, it almost doesn't count for a metaphor. You pulled it off spectacularly though. I like the title too, I think it does what a title should; help to cement the purpose and main theme of the poem. I also like that the dreams are the ones longing to be forgotten, and also that they were "ashened", even though my stupid computer dictionary says it's not a word...
Sometimes, it's our own forgiveness that we really need, even after others have ended their grudges.
-Athena -
I really enjoyed this, I adore short and powerful poetry. This is a wonderful display of that. You have a great talent. Continue to write beauty! This poem touched me personally, it felt as though you reached into my soul. Well done.~Nikki
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Mixed, But inspiring
This work has meaning hidden behind it relevant only to the author.
It is possible for other readers to relate to this work because it encompasses such a broad spectrum of sorrow.
This would probably fit into the story of a divorce, or separation of two people.
What was said and done? I would guess that there would be a lot of hatefully and cursing words exchanged in some separations, and I imagine that many of these words would have been screamed into one another's faces.
Things like this always leave scars. Whether they be emotional scars or physical.
Not bodily scars, but scars that make a young man old. Twenty going on sixty is a difficult thing to achieve but something that could cause scars like these would easily do the trick.
Mentally one never forgets things such as these. A suppressed grudge always displays itself after time has secretly worked a hole into it's walls.
"Ashen dreams..." Dreams that you would have tried to get rid of. Nightmares and horrors of the mind that - even when burned all away - still leave an ugly black mark upon the soul.
This poem is simple. It portrays many of the feelings I deal with in my life and speaks to me on many levels of my emotion. It inspires me to write more and to let my dreams -nightmares and horrors of the mind- out onto paper. Through stony pencil and wispy paper are our stories told.
I'd like to thank you for this inspiration, and wish you good luck with your thoughts.
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great
ashened dreams is great image. as is the scars tatooing a story.
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Wow. For such a short piece you really did make it meaningful. I wanted to read it several times just so that I could absorb all that it said. Truly amazing.
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This was a very powerfull write for such a short piece. A lot of truths here.
Well done. Keep up the good writing. -
well done
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Hmmm...
In my attempt to determine if this is a lot of words that only say a little, or a few words that really say a lot, or some tertiary solution somewhere between the two extremes, I came to the realization that it doesn't really matter--it is what it is--and to proceed with the critique on that basis.
Unfortunately I forgot what it was I was going to say.
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I like it it is interesting.
My first impression is nothing can ever truly be left behind. Emotionally I can feel the thoughts that seem to go swirling through a persons mind and cannot be forgot. This is not awkward therefore doesn't need to be changed. The title makes sense in the context of this piece. The first line works well and the last line sums this up perfectly. I liked it all so have no favorite part. -
Great job, this poem actually tells a story of its own. Reallity tends to harden the veins of a heart, creating a barrier and walls guarded my massive swords and beastly monsters inorder to protect itself from future events that could cripple it as it has been in the past. Unfortunately it makes it rather hard for anyone to break through this fortress of great magnitude. You did an axcellent job with this poem though...Absolute reality! Best wishes.
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A very beautiful poem. Can you replace "said and done" with a fresh image to lift the poem even higher.
I have written a poem named "Amorphous" sometime back, and so was curious to see your monicker, and to my surprise found the essence of the name intact.
D
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I really like this piece. A very good quickie. I think this should have done better in that old contest. Keep up the good work.
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Very good!
I like it, it made me think of the line in one of the papa roach songs, as well, line in the movie "Red Dragon" "…and our scars remind us that the past is real…". It is so true, how you are connected to something that is no longer exists...just a memory, and scars. Your word choice made me feel through the poem, and not just read it and realize it with my brain. I love it!
CPT
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That was really good. I liked it.I really liked the third and fourth lines. They hold the poem together.
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Mmmm, this is so amazing. The depth, the brilliant words and imagery and flow...wow
This is just so so so soooooooooo well written. The conclusion was really quite astounding and only added to this profound write.
Thank you for entering this and best of luck in the contest. -
Ahhh, beautiful flow, and very very intact with thoughts among others, whom have had the same thoughts, and non the less situations that this piece shows. Wonderful wonderful
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I, too, am a fan of the short poem. I want an image, a message, an impact in a short space. I think you've done that very well. I like the conflict set up in the last two lines, and the concise imagery. Nice write.
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i love reading short poems. not because they take less time, but because it always amazes me how much some authors can put into so few words.
i was particularly taken by your last line. lovely.
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Superb/intriguing
A very simple, yet powerful write indeed. Reminds me of my feelings during that time after a friend of mine committed suicide, see my poem: "Bridges". Tragedies, come in all sorts of packaging, physical, as well as, psychological. -
Alot said in a few short words.. Now, unbind it- let it go.. and roam free. Excellent short. Not one wasted word. Good luck in the contest. Blessings. Debby
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I really like the title of this write. As for the content of the write, I thought it was very true. Time heals but the scars forever remind us of what is now the past. Even though we long to forget, those scars are a constant reminder. Nice write!
Safely hidden in the darkness
~ The Rocker who lost all
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Confused
this is weird. i like it thgough. it;s weird in a good way. kinda like, if you are looking at something that you think is something else but it's neither what you thought it was or what someone else thought it was. it;s something entiriely all together.
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