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thinking maybe it was ok for me to be wrong about you

the day after &
we were just sitting there
in this uneasy silence
finding we really didn’t have anything
left to say
& i completely lost it..

leaving the room
to hide away the tears
i wish hadn’t come…
    [[.but.you.didn’t.see.me.break.down.like.that.]]

all you saw was the aftermath
which wasn’t necessarily pretty either but..
i can’t help but give in to these things
i can’t control

my emotions have a mind of their own…
& I’m not going to hide what it was like
from you anymore

deep down, i wasn’t surprised 
you wanted to call it off
because I could always kind of tell
that something was just a little bit off

they say if someone cares, you’ll know it
& I never really knew with you
I was only fooling myself in the end..

life seems like hell
& it’s worse without you
because you’re still around
& we still talk
more or less daily these days

& you were the one who started trying to get me
to speak to you again
after I was all ready to block you out
after two months of awkward glances
my quiet tears in English class
& avoiding each other, both feeling the same shame
from this messy break up

both shirking away for different reasons
god knows I tried to form the words
so many times but when I caught your eye
the words faded & I had to look away

we talk more now
than when we were dating
& it just seems like all these puzzle pieces
are fitting but something’s still off
[[.then.again.it.wouldn’t.be.the.first.time.i’d.misread.a.situation.]]

it’s been a little over a year now since
you asked me to be yours
& the awkwardness did fade
like they said it would
but the feeling I get being with you..
it didn’t..& it never will
i get used to the fact everyday

nothing’s going to change
don’t worry, I know
you’re still the same guy
who doesn’t think I’m worth
wasting the time on

& I’m still the same girl
who thinks she’s worth a little more
but you’re a good friend
so I’ll try & keep myself in check
because I think we really do
work well as friends

she’s excited about prom
dreaming she slept in
& you left without her
I don’t think she knows we had a past
but it doesn’t matter

because, I guess, what I’ve been attempting to say
is that I’m trying to be happy for you
i just want us to be comfortable
i like being able to enjoy your company again

I think maybe you should stop smiling at me though
because when you look at me like that
you make me want the things I can’t have the most…

Author notes

[[B.l.e.e.d for me baby, Show me how much it hurts]]
"how many special people change? where were you while we were getting high?"
--OASIS "Champagne Supernova"
**option #4**
->this is one of the most personal pieces i've ever written..

A contest entry

comments always appreciated

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • over the rainbow--x
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great piece, you can feel it, all of it...
    *finalist*

    ♥


  • sweetpearl
    July 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The ending I can relate to. I feel it's better to be friends with an ex but then deep down you'll always have some sort of feeling for them and if you see them with someone new, it still hurts.

    "in this uneasy silence... - ...left to say"

    --ugh, I hate silence. It's as if they don't want to talk to you. Or they don't have anything to say to you because they don't feel it's necessary. I get all shaky. It gives me the creeps and reminds me of someone.

    "dreaming she slept in"

    --this line stuck out I think. It's interesting, I love the idea. This poem can speak to a lot of people. I think most of us have been in this situation where we just want to be happy for them but secretly, we want to be back with them.


  • Rainbow-High
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautifully written and I loved how it was like a story that flowed amazingly and had a heartfelt idea behind it. This poem does seem extremely personal and you did a great job.


  • DefinitiveFreak silver member
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I could have written this up to line 32. Totally how I felt. Thank you for writing this and getting it off your chest.


    • lysdarling
      March 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      ty for the comment, i'm glad you enjoyed this..this took awhile to put into words
      have a nice day!
      xoxo,
      lys


  • bananasfoster42
    March 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great poem!! this is a really great write!


  • Hello Love Goodbye
    March 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'll have to tell Ashley that she was an inspiration to this poem
    XLB
    (does not mean X-tra Large Bacon

1 - 7 of 7