Frozen in a still silent chill
Eyes wide open, I sift aimlessly through sleeplessness
Awake, but not quite alive
The window ajar, a cold draft intrudes uninvited
I relinquish, unfolding my arms with reluctance
As my heart’s dream is swept away
Vanishing, in a swift whirlwind, leaving me
Frozen, but not quite numb
I reflect in yearning
And remember our nights together
When my goblet was overflowing with fervor
From deep within us, conversation bubbled to the surface
Life glimmered with beauty and meaning
As we shared, embracing each moment
But then our star has flickered out
Like a candle flame swallowed in darkness.
These days, emptiness fills each night
Empty shadows; that sift through the sky as each memory dissipates
Empty hearts; that throb with loneliness
Empty nights filled with empty tears, empty sobs.
Slumber escapes me
As my chest aches with sorrow
I miss you
Author notes
Option #3 mostly
In a list
A contest entry
- 48 HOUR CONTEST!!!! TIME'S A WASTING! by Rianna Bear.
525 points, ended March 14, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want To Feeeelll The Emotion(prewrites allowed) any subject.. by dragontuba.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 135 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alone.....Prewrites allowed by LoveNeverDies.
370 points, ended May 17, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What does it mean to be ALONE? by WhenWillsCollide.
575 points, ended May 30, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
tragic, really.
I liked this write. it was the eerie kinda piece that makes you shiver and cringe with pleasure.
definatley emotional....
well done! -
*shivers*
Wow... Between the black background, the picture, and your language, you definitely had that whole empty feeling going on! You created so well those feelings of loneliness and of being deserted, and of being truly, utterly alone. Good luck in your contests, and well done! Take care!
All the best,
Laura -
This had chills running down my neck. The darkness and sense of overbearing solitude is... too much (but not in a bad way). It makes me feel as though I've been condemned to spend my days in this, cold, empty room, with only shadows for company. Excellent, excellent job.
~FoDF
-
thanks for entering
-
from the beginning to the end, this piece had me! so dark and yet so powerful are the words written here. i love the way you kept the poem up, it didn't die down, it kept its strength...i was captured through the whole piece. you have such talent and write so beautifully! i have a new bookmark.
~bee
-
I loved the first line frozen in a still and silent chill wow! that was amzing so original so dark so sad...it was so many things and started the poem off so well......the rest of the poem held the strength and you are so talented keep writting...
xXTashaXx -
this was a good write and i can relate to what you are saying and feeling in this poem..your words were strong and powerful as well...also i liked the metaphors that you used also..keep writting your talented and good luck in the contest
~Chrissy~ -
My favorite line is, "Frozen, but not quite numb"!!! I think it states the heart of the poem quite simply and effectively. I LOVE that line!
-
Great word usage! The flow is awesome, I don't have a favorite line, because I just love it all. Although, "As my heart’s dream is swept away" is beautiful. ^__^
-
I loved it, great choice of words...
-
I applaud you on using a picture that adds to the poem rather than taking away from it - so often I see poems with pictures that seem out of place or redundant. But yours adds to the general barrenness and uncomfortable sadness in the poem.
It's also a rather good poem. Something that a lot of people can relate to, vague enough that most have a connection to it but personal enough to inspire empathy rather than self-pity. I really liked this one, and I've read it through a few times by now. I can't seem to tear myself away.
-
Wow........
Nice image. scary but nice.
-
This is how I feel right now...I can truly relate to this. I love the way your words flowed and how the vocabulary brings description.
I love the whole piece but i especially love the lines:
I reflect in yearning
And remember our nights together
Slumber escapes me
As my chest aches with sorrow
I miss you
But then our star has flickered out
Like a candle flame swallowed in darkness
simply brilliant. keep up the wonderful work. I look forward to reading more. -
Awww how sad. Normally I would saw an ending like that is weak, but in this one it simply sweeps it all together in one brief kiss good night, well done!! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
-
oh wow. I always check the last few lines of each poem i read, because i find that each poem really needs a good closing. and I personally love the ending on this poem. Whne you say "I miss you" the whole poem has more meaning. I also love the lines "Awake, but not quite alive. Frozen, but not quite numb." They hold alot of Depth. I love this peice, its great and i throughly enjoyed it. Great job!
-
Beautiful
I love this poem...it has great meaning...to me...i can relate to this...it very good... -
A beautifully written Poem.
Ilana, This has your mark of excellence all over it. It elicits the emotions of sadness from the reader.
Well done!
Buddy
-
Awake, but not quite alive.
Frozen, but not quite numb.
I LOVE these lines, I'm not sure why- but I think they really bring an extra something to this already beautiful poem. Great write!
-
Well done!
This is a great write that once again lives up to your great standard of writing.
Especially liked the beginning... made me think of your AP name.
Best to you, Kj
-
oh, so sad, but also beautiful....the imagry in this is stunning, I particularly liked
"I reflect in yearning
And remember our nights together
When my goblet was overflowing with fervor
From deep within us, conversation bubbled to the surface
Life glimmered with beauty and meaning
As we shared, embracing each moment"
-
very sad, but i really liked it. You expressed it very beautifully, poetically, and full of imagery.
good luck in my contest
*Ri
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
