Bony fingers tug heartstrings taut,
Strumming promises of forevers together.
Eternity looks far away when you’re standing in the rain.
Hold my hands tight and kiss me through the tears,
Whisper you love me more than anything.
Tiny human, lie by my side,
Spill cliché from your perfect lips.
Sleep with your back to me,
You’re more comfortable that way.
I walk out the door and hear your dry mouth forming a goodbye of sorts.
I’ll see you soon.
Tired fingers let heartstrings slack,
Strumming songs of realisation.
Wake up and smell the pretence.
Your mask has slipped,
Exposing a hoarfrost tongue and mind of malady.
Tiny human, lie to my face,
Spill cliché from your bitter lips.
Sleep alone,
I’m better off without you.
I call you and hear a woman’s voice, robotic and cold.
Please leave your message after the tone.
Author notes
A revised format of a previous verse.
A contest entry
- Love and relationships. by Sonofdead.
450 points, ended June 5, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is an interesting poem. Its different then most things that I have read in this contest, but still good.
Bony fingers tug heartstrings taut,
Strumming promises of forevers together.
Eternity looks far away when you’re standing in the rain.
Hold my hands tight and kiss me through the tears,
Whisper you love me more than anything.
I like that bit right there. Good luck. -
excellent
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This is very bitter and beautiful. Sorry that my comment is not more detailed but I am surrounded by drunks discussing absolutely trivial philosophical problems. A philosophy lecturer from my Uni is arguing that we should create electromagnetic 'wildernesses' on which no-one can broadcast...he wants to keep 720 pristine.
Anyway, a great poem... I especially like
Tiny human, lie to my face,
Spill cliché from your bitter lips.
Sleep alone,
I’m better off without you.
Very bitter,
K. F.
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really good
great job! i really enjoyed this one. your metaphores are deep and expressive. awesome use of language and images. now stop saying ur not so good, this piece proves the contrary.
~marcus
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Excellent....
Wow...that last line caught me off guard!!!
Great element of surprise!!
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ah i love the way you stacked the two of them together...is just perfect! you can really see the "night before/morning after" thing even more clearly here...a beautiful way to express regret!
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