Fiddle with your hair dear girl
it's cute the way it curls
let the wind wrap up your legs
and dance away with your skirt
I know you're straight, as wooden floor
but still let's make a date
I love the freckles on your nose
that drip all down your back
I'd kiss each one, and name them all
because that's just how it goes
I have no chance, I'll face the facts
I can't get a girl like you
You're short and sweet, with soft brown hair
you might sweep me off my feet.
Author notes
Theres a girl.
and I really like her
but shes straight..
at least from what i know.
she just moved to my school.
shes in my hawaiian history class.
and idk
I can't even talk to her.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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it is sad when that happens... you know you really want someone and yet you also believe they are straight to... i am lucky in that my lady friend turned out to be bi also... i hope you find the courage to at least gain her friendship though... its a start. great piece showing your emotions
cheers
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Well now, this is a short and sweet piece. I like this. Nice pace, it's pretty upbeat and optimistic, and it's simple and casual without sounding like a regular daily-life conversation. There's some cohesion issues near the end, I'd swap the positions of the last and the previous stanza, the ending would work a lot better like that. You also missed out an "a" before "wooden floor," or at least a "the." I like the way you talk about her freckles, reminds me of my own special someone. Romantic, and what one could call "cute." Nicely done.
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Thank you, and I meant to leave out the a. it signifies that I mean all wooden floors are straight, not just one. referring to most people as being straight. but that you for the input. I'm glad you liked it.
thank you for the comment.
|aiko|
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i love all your poems..there so good...so what is this girls name..i think you should talk to her at least give it a try you know..what have you got to loose ..if she is straight then you know then wasnt the one meant for you anyways
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but if shes straight, I at least want to be her friend.. idk, I'm just scared to talk to her.
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Hey, this is a cute poem with a great title. I say cute because the love expressed seems to be so honestly put, your descriptions are amazingly unique.
"I love the freckles on your nose
that drip all down your back"
Thanks for featuring, I enjoyed reading this.
DancingRed. -
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:] I'm glad you liked it.
thank you for the comment
much appreciated.
|aiko|
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hey aiko! long time no see.
aww sissy, go talk to her! just don't think if the meeting as a "crucial "will be gf or not" point"
there was this one quote. "talk to him (her) but don't think him (her) as a potential bf (gf). if things were meant to be, they will be."
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Lol I know, I just I want it to be, and I don't want to get attached if shes homophobic or something.. idk but thank you for the comment, it's much appreciated.
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Damn, that's really sad...reminds me of high school with this guy I was insanely in love with and he wasn't straight, to say the very least, and... *shudders at the memories* yeah. Let's just leave it at that.
Sure you can TALK to her...it's not like she's some ethereal being or something. She's just as human as you are. Try being friends with her; find a good time to strike up a conversation or something.
Oh yeah, the poem. hahaha *slaps self* WOW I'm out of it today... Anyway I like the two-line stanzas and how everything flows really well. Keep writing and don't get too hung up on something you can't have. It sucks *coughs loudly* Believe me, I know.
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Lol yeah, I just I'm scared of everything that could go wrong.. what if she's homophobic? most of my friends are gay.. shes like from the opposite side of the world, she hangs out with completely different people. Jocks, Preps, Locals. I don't.. but something about her draws me toward her. We make eye contact, and we look away, but that doesn't mean she cares at all. maybe shes just freaked out at the fact that she catches me looking at her.. idk.
thank you for the comment, it's much appreciated.
:]]
sorry about the guy and all. I fall for gay guys and straight girls, because I like femmes.
|aiko|
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wow thats well written
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You'd better ask her out, before I do
You don't mind if I take her out, do you? I promise I'll give her back to you. I'll even share, if you want to do a three way date.
Nice poem, by the way. I mean it.
So get off your shy little emo tuchus, and go ask her out!
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lol but I can't askout someone I've never said one word to.
plus, I'm gay, shes straight.. how will that work out?
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I thought it was cute the way you described her, and I could totally feel exactly how you feel reading it. I can relate so much, so I really liked it. I liked how you didn't act like you are in love with her or anything since you barely know her, and just kind of shared your feeling of just basically meeting someone and feel like you just have to get to know them better. I really liked the stanzas;
I love the freckles on your nose
that drip all down your back
I'd kiss each one, and name them all
because that's just how it goes
I don't really like the rhyme scheme you used, but that's just me, and I do love the wording and everything else about it.
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Thank you. I'm not so sure there is a rhyme scheme. it was more free verse, but some lines came out rhyming because I tend to do that sometimes.
i do appreciate the comment.
thank you.
:]
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hey, hey, don't give me that you can talk to her, you could atleast be friends with the girl, and i haven ever thought of you as the shy type, that's me, keep it flowing
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lol
I'm outgoing when it comes to guys
I can say what I think
and when I think it..
but with girls
I just, I can't.
Shes so cute and quiet
and I can't talk to quiet girls
they make me so nervous
and make my stomach do flips.
:[
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