Amy Lee ‘Lette: An Internal Homicide

Screaming demons with crying voices and bitching dictators were taking over. Wouldn’t life be easier than hell? Living lifeless, a forsaken angel leaves your mind for good. You’re leaving me unsettled. How can I live for you? Tag me, I dare you.
What did I need to revive myself? It’s Priceless joy. Or did I need the material ting that over reacted—hello beautiful. Come back gorgeous. I need you so badly I’m without you here. It just isn’t the same without you. I just need you so badly.
Mom had told me to calm down. My heart jolted as I heard the gong. It struck me like lightning. Electrifying me and making me complete—just like a circuit. I was a conductor. I felt so alive. It was ages that I felt this way. I was so complete. I accepted myself again.
The jolt—it pierced me.  Think of me as a glass bottle, but I was shattered. It struck me and I was reshattered into millions of shards, simply falling onto the ground. I didn’t need this. My mother was pre-cancer, the guy in love with me lived ten thousand miles away—I have nothing to hold—literally.
I needed to rip my hair out to let myself feel physical pain.  Grab a glove for me and let me go at it. Bam, bam. Drama. Dad. Fucking creep. I couldn't concentrate. My mind was thinking in fragments to the point of where I didn’t want to comprehend. Who was that other fucking bastard? Damn deceitful *a**i$t.
Burn! Both of you m****r ****ers. Burn. Burn. Burn mother !#$%ers. Is “da angsta gangsta” back in her black, red and blue? Is this hate with a f**cking passion? Or is this a dream come true? Or is this her morbid love, being morbidly in love with you?
Think—think fast. Just write so you can read what you are writing. You’re having a heart attack. You’re never going to be fine. You can’t ever do anything right. You’re just a dumb shit. You wont get anywhere in life you k***.
Don’t listen.
Forget it. Bleed. Punch. Bruise. Let yourself see what you feel. You have to let yourself invision it. Just let yourself remember it isn’t a dream.  Go away. Now. She wants out of her head. She’s lost her mind. But its still there. Or is she gone?
You want it, don’t you? You can taste it, like blood. You can smell it, like bleach. You can hear it, like pain. You can taste it, in vein.  You want it, don’t you?
You can’t live without it? Oh, is that so? It’s the Chevy is to the levy, it’s the life to live, it’s the it’s the heavy to the metal, and it’s the drug to give [its mine, give it to me]
Come back, come back. Give it back. You’re the only one. I want you so badly. I love you just like you love me. Beautiful, please. Gorgeous, gorgeous!  You’re the life to me write, I can’t put up with this fight. I love you and how the rush that you send to me. But I think you might kill my liver, and then kill me.
I think I want to love you. You do love me back. You make me so happy. Please, don’t let this feeling ever leave me.
Its morbid bliss. The only thing—that makes me, me. Nothing can complete me any better than you. You are the only thing. You’re here. Entrapped within my body. I love it how you poess me.
Stunner.
Who is she? Samantha? The reject? A mindfreak? Yoga master? A girl? A Goth? Who the hell is she anyways? Who the heck do people care? People don’t care anymore. They always want something. Then they are gone huh? What now? How can I live for you?
Chug a lug- lug. Do you think I need a hug? You think I get them from a thug? To be street, you need to know book. This is the bitch that skirts it.
Stab me and let me feel it. I want all of you to rip at me.
How can I live for you? None of you f#$%ers bothered to call. Aw, I love you too my Amy Lee ‘Lette. What would you like now? You want an invitation to my party? There is no party. Only when you want something you seem to appear. After you have it, you’re gone.
Would you like to know what you can do? –you arrogant, posing Aquarius… I want you to rip at me with your kitty claws. Have you thought about slitting my wrists with your nails yet? Wouldn’t you like to tear off my flesh? Just shut me out by destroying all the good I ever tried to do for you?
Once you lose her, she is gone.
How about you take your “hatchet man” and cut me up into pieces? Doesn’t that sound like fun? Cut out my throat so you really can’t hear me now. But since when did my voice ever matter to you, now? Eat me –like I was steak, you vegetarian fool. Mince up my heart because you refuse to sell it. You won’t be truthful. I heard you lie! You’ll never get that. It’s not here you b!tch.
Once you leave me, you’ll never get me back. My heart is taken, my head is blown, writers block is gone, and can that be shown? Once you have me, you leave me, then that way, you’ll never get me back. I might talk to you, but know ever no talk of the seventh grade tag. It’s not a game anymore, Amy Lee. This is real life. Once you lie, you leave me; I hope you have caught on. Yeah I talk to you and speak my rhythm. You won’t ever know me like that again. 
Blah, brag about your new slvr phone. Wow, you used your own money. That's what you had to tell me. That was your first phone call in over four months. That's what you had to say to me? Brag, boast, bitch—bitch. You have the idea that you are sad. You are so happy it is sad. You are eyes of innocence. You don’t get it chica. I am the Poe. I am the closest thing to Poe; big Macie’s can’t take that away from me. It’s in my life on the birthday and I feel it in my blood. I made the Goth. You disgrace. You are so happy you are morbid.
You only think you know. I am the real Gothetto. I make morbid happy. I am the one. You think you know and it’s sad that I let you think that. What I don’t get, is our friendship. Or is it that real ones always end in betrayal. I’ve warned you plenty. I hope you didn’t regret it.


“Once you lose me,
You’ll never get me back,
Out of anything I ever tell you,
Don’t ever forget that.”

“Take things to heart,
And hold so dear,
They will be gone,
Have no fear,
That day will soon be here.”