Today I'm alone
Only solitude to love
Over you for nevermore
Forever you're gone
A memoir of past love lost
Running free; I have moved on
Author notes
If something wasn't clear, drop me a line and I'll get the Windex lol But seriously, just ask for clarification. Oh... and I just noticed something... in the second katauta, do the first and last lines qualify as 'rhyme'? If they do it was a mistake...I can fix it if nessecary....
A contest entry
- Acrostic Sedokas {edit} by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended March 31, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write a SEDOKA poem by Mykeee.
550 points, ended November 11, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It's not too bad... right?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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oh saying goodbye and moving on never easy. this was well penned and the form perfect. and a acrostic..wow ...best wishes to you
Tory -
No not bad at all, but it seems like an extension of the first thought not a different perspective.
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I honestly can't say that this is the best sedoka I have read, but it certainly wasn't the worst, and I mean that to be a compliment, not an insult, because you did good for your first time with that form.
Your last line has caught my attention. Your poem is about an old love, and that you're lonely now, but then you end with:
"Run free with me; I've moved on."
If you have moved on, why the "run free with me" part? I'd either say one of these two instead:
"Run free like me..." or "Running free; I have moved on" -
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Thank you. ^^ I like your suggestion...hmmm... I might just change that line around...
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great work
i like the last line. it was encouraging and made me feel inspired to advize my friends in the same way -
It's fine the way it is. It's not really to rhyme, but it's better than it all being rhyme and missing the whole purpose.
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