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Secret Pain

the pain i feel is very strong
i want to scream in agony
no one sees the pain i'm in
because i don't let them near me

they don't see me cry
they don't hear my sobs
the only thing they see
is me doing my job

i want to let go
get this weight off my chest
but i know i won't do it
i know this is best

just seeing them worry
makes my stomach churn
the fear of somehow hurting them
causes my throat to start to burn

it's best to keep it secret
and carry it to my grave
to you it may be stupid
but to me it feels so brave

no matter how much they try and pry
and no matter how much they try and act like men
a thought will always stay in my mind:
what they don't know won't hurt them

There's only one little problem:
They can see through my lies

Author notes

well, this is how i've felt lately. i feel sad (yet i don't know why) and i don't want to tell any of my friends, not even my boyfriend. i admit, the poem goes MUCH farther than how i feel, but then again, i exagerate lots. but, the last line is the truest. my boyfriend knew from the start that something was wrong, and so have my friends. lol shows how much of a poker face i got....

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Comments


  • ScratchedAt
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Where have you been dear? You've not logged in in ages..


  • Foxydaze14
    June 22, 2007
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    I can completely relate to this. I was in a deep depression and at one point became suicidal. It is best to tell at least your family about it because even if you are not depressed, and just sad, it can soon become depression, thats how I got depressed. Anyways, this is a great piece. You bring emotions out and it's very deep. Thanks for sharing


  • 245Trioxin
    March 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was going to say, let's get together soon for some texas hold em'. :-)

    One of the hardest things in dealing with depression, whether it's longterm or short is wearing that fake smile...you'd almost rather walk on your hands just so you can frown and be yourself.

    And no matter how good you fake it, all the while most people will be fooled, there will always be some that can see you past your outer layer.


    • DawnyDawner
      March 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for your words. well, luckily i have the HUGEST mood swings, so now i'm all happy and chipper. and since spring break is only 3 days away for me, happiness is sure to last. well, i'd be happy to play some texas hold 'em! just understand, when it comes to cards, my true poker face shines through.... or does it?