Knife raises by a glance
heart pierce with a razor of words,
blood gushing from the tear wounds,
death never comes for hate
making victims of those with weapons.
A contest entry
- Quickie by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended April 6, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is nice, though I must say it's incredibly cliched and really isn't worth too much as a result. Poems about suicide and self-inflicted pain have to be genius to work, otherwise they just stagnate. This is a nice poem diction wise and phrase wise, but the cliche kind of crashes things.
I'm sorry, but that's how I see this. Metaphors and things such as that can work really nicely when dealing with cliched topics. Overall nice write, but in terms of the cliched factor, it hinders the poem. Sorry.
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No problem. Thanks for the comment.
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Wow-
What a piece You have written which brings many images to the Mind~
in five lines~ which is hard to do in the first place
but You always follow through!
Thank You for sharing this Sweetness~Powerful
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and my Love
~ Desire~*~
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Thank you sweetness. You'll always make me a victim of love in a good way.
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