My sterling blue eyes are blurring again,
My newly carved toes sparkling jabs of fire,
The sugar fog rolling in to obscure my last thought.
And I am tired, I’m so tired, I am always spent out.
Check my sugar; take a pill; it is all in God's will; Check my sugar; take a pill ...
A contest entry
- Quickie by Hadji Murad.
300 points, ended April 6, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is nice. Tragically it's very wordy and hinders the poem. I would recommend cutting back on unneccesary words. I feel the repitition of the ending doesn't drive the ending home as much as just reiterates it and I feel it actually loses it's meaning as a result.
This is however a nice poem with some wonderful ideas and words. I love the sugar fog concept. It's so abstract and vivid. It's a beautiful phrase.
Overall a nice job. Thank you for entering this and best of luck. -
Bless you, we are a diabetic family (not me thankfully) but I know of the torments you portray.
Good health and good luck.
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Very pleasant portrayal fo an un pleasant subject. the second line, good metaphor for that pesky numbness..and that third line is right on it. A close loved one I suspect has "sugar fog(s) rolling in"...I will read this to him and have him repeat the mantra at the ending..well done...and you be well.
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I am diabetic (type 2), and have experienced the near blackout sensation, the numbness in the toes..
Very well written poem
Thank you
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What a unique topic to write about. My grandfather is diabetic and that must be what he feels like. Only he take a shot not a pill. I have seen him go into spells where his sugar is low and it makes me sad. So your poem was very informative. It had a very sad and exasperated emotion to it.
Writing is a form of art and if you pen it from the heart you shall never write wrong.
Thank you for sharing.
~SongByrd
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