Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

flaking






{black and gold flakes
strutted from teeth}


you poured liquor
like oxygen
and the space suit
was so desperate






A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • deadcolor dreams
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    black and gold flaks

    you mean flakes, right? Otherwise- I think this poem was the perfect length! Great jon. I really like the first part.


  • And Hyetal
    March 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oooooooooooh.... Me likey ness! Thanks for entering and good luck!

    Cassie


  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    March 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love your abstract writes! Thanks for entry Shirley, you know I love it - you write so well


    • SurelyWritten
      March 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks- i'm thinking about taking out the last 3 stanzas, they really sound cliche.. eck, me don't know :s


  • misselaineous
    March 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    there are some stunning lines and i like the abstraction you bring
    i think i will have to look at contest rules the words are disparate but you have weaved them well poetess
    elaine

1 - 7 of 7