A lone stroll on dry calloused earth makes for dry calloused feet.
Till it no longer hurts to trod cruel conglomerations
Of jagged rock formation . . .
Broken glass and hot concrete.
And time finds comfort on this long rugged road
Where the hard and sharp . . . sharpens me . . . hardens me.
Who or what can touch the soul that sensors all he feels?
He’ll feel nothin soon.
Ask me about my limbs and I’ll show ya how they sleep . . .
When coordination of muscular movement
Can’t tell me nothin no more.
It’s just methodical motion and I’m . . . walkin on air.
This is where I travel.
Where the road meets the flesh
Where the old conceives the fresh
Yet the familiar won’t let go
So what’s new and unknown struggles to maintain life from down below . . .
As it swims old earth . . . in attempts to cleanse the soul
And times find comfort on this long rugged road
Where the hard and the sharp . . . sharpen me . . . harden me.
Fresh layers of skin broad day may never see . . .
As the hard and the sharp . . . sharpen me . . . harden me.
A contest entry
- . by Aurora Ceres.
700 points, ended November 1, 2007, 75 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Wow... Pretty good lines here. The flow is incredible. Like the theme/chant:
Where the hard and the sharp . . . sharpen me . . . harden me.
Write on, brother.
DEZ
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This is by far the very best piece I've read of your work. I thought I would meander back to the beginning and I am very glad that I did so. These words are more than lovely, they are entrancing. This does exactly what poetry should, it allows the reader to make a connection with each of the awe-inspiring, melancholy lines and apply them to his or her life/situation. Fantastically done.
~MotherMachineGunn~
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thank you so much
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Wow! You've really packed a lot in here. This speaks to me of one breaking away from the past, or at least making earnest attempts to. Embracing the hardships life swings one's way and truly living life. I totally enjoyed this, bookmarked it. I found it to be very uplifting actually. Well done.
Bella
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Jo-el - I am not too sure what this is about?
But then it is possibly me not grasping what to others may be obvious.
'Can’t tell me nothin no more.' Which says in fact that it can tell you something, is that what you meant?
The last verse I like, for this is life described in a nutshell.
'no longer hurts to 'trod' A typo no doubt.
'It’s just methodical motion' Pehaps 'mechanical' motion, but of course it is your choice.
I feel this work has potenial, for even now it has depth and yet I feel could be improved with a little more attention to tenses, spelling, and more.
You say 'he' when refering to 'His Soul' Whose soul?
The words 'sensors' - sensor is a noun?
Could you not use 'senses' - a verb.
Keep writting Jo-el I applaud you......Nearlyman.
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splendid, beautiful write, simply amazing
what you did with the language, imagery, and idea
nice write, keep writing
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This is very lyrical, I really enjoyed reading it. I especially liked the 1st and 3rd stanzas.
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This is well written piece. I am not quite sure I understand it. I thought the form and rhythmn flowed well.
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I am on the second read-through, and it is growing on me. I do like this:
"As the hard and the sharp . . . sharpen me . . . harden me."
It is simple, almost prosaic, but it WORKS. There's a "beat poetry" quality to this work, and you have created bold contrasts between "poetic" language and the grammar of the street.
I'd say just tidy up the odd rough spot like the apostrophe after "Till", and you have something fine here. Keep writing.
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Wow, this is a lovely peom. Saying something about after all the pain, you end up being numbed by it, or built up by it? It seemed that way to me. Either way, it is well done, and nice.
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As much as I would like to read and comment on this poem I have to refrain because the words are too hard to see. I am very sorry to have wasted your points
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amazing write here
sometimes the past, in it's pain feels like home and the lessons learned changes us, hardens us, for better or worse, who is to say.
I had a friend say to me, when I was in emotional pain, if you have a rock in your shoe, after a while you just get used to it. I see the point there, as we keep living holding our pain, but I always come back to, take the damn rock out! lol
Thank you for inspiring thought with this write. YOu have a great talent, as this is a soulful write.
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very deep
that all i can say -
this is wonderful,
so thought provocing and the depth is amazing,
another great job,
your talent with the pen is fantastic
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thankyou
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wow a profound write you have here
it flowed beautifuly from beginning to end
grabs the reader and doesn't let go
you have a knack for that.
Bravo
Fire
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i appreciate that
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Welcome to AllPoetry
This is truly a unique and interesting poem you have written. I like the imagery you have used to describe you view point on this life we lead.
There is a good flow to this poem that enhances the entire read.
Glad to have you here at AP and please feel free to contact me or any online Greeter if you need help here at AP.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary
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thanks alot
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