Enveloped in crude oil-darkness,
we pant, like pups;
wide-eyed, anxious, and expectant.
Your buttons release.
My fly separates.
Skin on skin assaults our nerves as we writhe;
vipers in a pit we are,
overturned by an errant spade.
We grope aimlessly, with little result.
Lepers; addicts seeking alms we are,
Paying for our hormone addiction.
Our mis-steps and mis-thrusts frustrate.
Our silence in aggravation begets
silence in resignation.
I rise, dress, and move to the door.
Author notes
Ah, how my virginity clung to me like white on rice.
This is an entry into the contest "24 hours - INNOCENCE"
A contest entry
- 24 hours - INNOCENCE by misselaineous.
300 points, ended March 18, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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what a honesty open take on losing your virginity. although its been a few days (HA!) since I gave mine up...all knowingly -too-soon, I remember the frustrating part..."our mis-steps and mis-thrusts frustrate. Our silence in aggravation begets silence in resignation. " aww yes, hurry up and get it over with....Brilliant...
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"Our mis-steps and mis-thrusts frustrate.
Our silence in aggravation begets
silence in resignation."
Oh yes you captured it all very well there. Nice diction. Very nice! Been so long I almost forgot the frustration part. Not excatly a pleasent memory lol!
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Oh hell no. Not pleasant at all. Started way too early in life and ended up impotent due to nerves for two years.
Oh yeah. . .BAD
Thanks for visiting dear friend. I need to visit you more often.
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lol
wow great portray of innocence and what a great description of what that's like
snakes in a pit, lepers....cool
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vipers pit?
now that is an image i will hasten to forget
your poem made me smile and that's good! a fumbling, futile attempt at sex - oh dear lol!
thanks for entering my contest.
PS aggrivation should be aggravation i think
elaine
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oh dear
What a disastrous attempt at sex! More like a quick frusrating fumble and we have all been there haven't we? -
description, description, description. love it. great write,it paitned me a scene, that i hadn't planned on looking away from, ha. good stuff here. good write. Love it all
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nioce
InTeRsTiNg. I hate sticky caps, but I thought it was appropriate. I liked this piece. It is very blunt, and raw. The honesty is just kida "BAM!" If you know what I mean.... Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene. -
wider in thoughts
"AGGRAVATION" AND NOT AS STATED .
The poem is nicely expressive and wider in thoughts.
a spell check will help when needed.
good verse -
Is it really that hard...er excuse the pun.
This really shows what anxiety can do. Too bad we can't all stay innocent.
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heh heh heh
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sheesh...unique spin on this..not all smarmy, icky sweet..a definite edge..shows the frustration..my favorite phrase :"Paying for our hormone addiction."
that slays me...very potent.
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Thank you for your comment. Being called "not smarmy" is definitely the highlight of my day.
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sheesh...unique spin on this..not all smarmy, icky sweet..a definite edge..shows the frustration..my favorite phrase :"Paying for our hormone addiction."
that slays me...very potent.
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genius. im speachless, i mean i really am. this poem is like KAPOWEE! its so perfect i am so envious. lol. and i absolutely love your ending!
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Goodness. I am so flattered. Wow. I am speechless.
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You pulled me in with this one...
I think you captured the feelings of
of being a frustrated virgin extremely
well...I wanted to say, "shhhh...just
take your time." Hmmm...I just said it
Love, Lane
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