Too good to be true
floating in the mist
lying free in rapture as it only can exist.
So perfect if one has it
it leaves us afore long
sadly clinging to our past, learning how to belong.
Some still do have the traces
some have the savoir faire
the loveliness left in it so exceptionally rare.
If I could only take it
but it can't be held in hand
the nature of its brilliance is in constant high demand.
Those who lack it scorn the thing
but I do know the truth
most of those who ever have it use it in their youth.
Author notes
Just a few reflections contained here on what this word means to me.
A contest entry
- 24 hours - INNOCENCE by misselaineous.
300 points, ended March 18, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deeper Meaning by QueenofTomorrow.
550 points, ended March 16, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me some poetry!!! by James L Williams.
500 points, ended March 17, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Personal Best (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended March 18, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - give me something deep by Poetic Drug.
360 points, ended April 2, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me beauty, or give me death!! Just give me SOMETHING! by grrlshadow.
450 points, ended March 22, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Philosophy and dreams...what about THAT? :D by masky.
600 points, ended March 25, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphorical beauty 5 options by bigXfatXemo.
525 points, ended April 12, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tranquility. by Poetic Aphrodite.
400 points, ended April 4, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A TRIBUTE TO RHYME by Heavens Child.
425 points, ended April 11, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Gonna Wannna Use Those Unlimited Entries by TWiSTEDxCUPCAKE.
700 points, ended April 22, 2007, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know what this made you think of, please.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
touching. also like the background.
-
This is very neat (neat, who says neat anymore, other then my
). I liked reading it a lot. It was a little stuck, though. I mean stuck by means of, yea, you talkeed about the memory, but you didn't really say what the memory was of. But I did like that you sticked to your title, which some poems don't do.
Great write
~~Meri~ -
Thankyou for your beautiful entry, Bella
-
Beautiful
Wow, must be a favourite as you've entered this one in a lot of contests! I have one like that too
And can really see why you've picked it, loved the flow of it all, the soft rhyming, and use of certains words such as 'rapture' and'loveliness' painted such a brilliantly subtle image along with the rest describing the content. Really clever write! Loved it =]
Good luck in all the contests, and thanks for entering!
Frankie xXx
-
This is an exceptional piece of poetry, that made me smile even before started actually reading it. I have to say the title reminded me of the movie "Gone with the wind"-a brilliant movie, if you haven't seen it yet, I definately suggest you do so.
As for the poem, it was interesting to see this type of stanzas! I rarely ever see 3-lined verses(and trust me, I've read lots of poetry here), so it was a nice change(also, a big plus!).
My favourite part would have to be:
"Some still do have the traces
some have the savoir faire
the loveliness left in it so exceptionally rare."
I loved the way you put a little bit of French in it!
And you are right...
"The loveliness left in it so exceptionally rare"...
Thank you for entering this wonderful poem into the contest, and good luck!
-
Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
-
wow. this was really good. I loved it.
~dk
-
Good Question
The rhyme scheme seemed forced, like you had to scrape together words and somehow put them into couplets.
There are many things in life that are fleeting. Contentment, innocence, the confidence that you understand the world for what it is. -
-
Um.
While I appreciate any feedback, your impression was not my inspiration, to be quite honest. This poem was written to describe the word "Innocence" and was not "scraped together" or "forced" because I wrote what it meant to me. It's true I enjoy rhyming. I rarely ever write any poetry that doesn't rhyme, but every once in a while I take and chance and try it.
-
-
wow
that was really good -
The image is kinda well desfcriptive though this contest asked for the metapohors as long with the emoitons but most importantly I wanted it to be emoiionaly.
-
this is a good poem and definition of innocence. well-penned. thanks for entering and good luck
-
good
i think innocence is not necessarily a good thing. if you have innocence you likely have ignorance. once you have grown and seen anything in the world and gotten rid of an ounce of your ignorance, you no longer have innocence. knowing of the crimes against humanity in sudan, the disabled orphans who are tossed aside in moscow, and even the homelessness and hunger that is present in my town, in yours as well i am sure, you can have no innocence. you can't have innocence unless you do something about it, and too many do nothing. you can have innocence, or at least a pardon from guilty, if you make an effort to help others, i think. ok i'm done with that stupid rant that you like do not care about.
so your poem.
i like how you say "those who lack it scorn the thing", because that's totally true. when someone doesn't have it (and by innocence now i mean something like virginity or never having detention), they act like if you do have it, you are overly goody good or whatever. i like the way you wrote it, and the way you put the words together. the result of your excellent vocab comes off as rather sophisticated and less personal, but it's an interesting effect. i liked it. -
I love the last sentence, it caught be off guard and was powerful. Instantly I went into remission of my own thoughts, and you are right in many ways.
I enjoyed reading this, and it is true that ouur memories are gone before we even have to to truly appreciate them.
Best wishes. -
This is an excellent write of loss memories. The flow is great and the imagery good as well. having had worked in a alzhimers unit, it reminds me of all those who have none.
-
that wide eyed, blissful, carefree, hunger for the world yet discovered, look that one sees in the unspoiled youth, who giggle and laugh because they have yet to know true woes.....lovely poem,~Artis
-
I loved the title of this poem -and the poem added to it's brilliance-your choice of words are precise and your stringing them together excellent-,'too good to be true'-very apt opening lines -'learning how to belong'-the loveliness left in it so exceptionally rare'-a very well written poem indeed :
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
