without it i'm cruel
evil unseen
intentions unknown
an inescapable being
to be labeled as such
as much as i wish
with the touch from this being
gives a feeling unclean
with the touch unescapable
from mind and soul
from what i've known to be right
from what has kept me whole
A contest entry
- 24 hours - INNOCENCE by misselaineous.
300 points, ended March 18, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Please take this as constructive criticism as I think you have tried hard here with this poem. A little more care would have built upon your nice opening lines as then you are let down by a spelling error and some typos:
e.g:
intensions -should be spelled intentions
an unescapable being - i think this should be inescapable - i know what you meant.
with the touch form this being - from not form
from what i've know to be right - i've known not i've know or replace with 'i know to be right'
Thank you for entering my contest
elaine
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