there's a girl staring at me
with eyes so broken and sad
her life a mess in hell
a girl with a past so bad
tears fall from her eyes
she bleeds out all her sins
from cuts made by backstabbing people
that put her in the state she's in
from the outside her soul is dieing
wishing to finally be free
but that's what the mirror thinks
it has nothing to do with me
you can show things from the outside
mirror, so false, so fake
you know me, but you don't
you've made such a mistake
A contest entry
- You know me but you dont by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended April 4, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wonderful! I like this alot. its just a great concept, being falsely judged by the mirror. it's kinda the reverse of a poem i wrote recently called mirrors and doors.
mary
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This is sucj a great poem with an excellent structure and flow. It's filled with emotion, which is also easy to relate to. You've showed so well how that feels, it's really good.
xXx -
nice poem
this was a great poem and i can relate to this the person your talking about is me if you no what i mean great wright thanks for sharing
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thanks much, i'm glad you liked in and can realte to it.
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I really like the last line and how it rhymes with the third to last, very well done.
The only critiques I have are in the 3rd line, you wrote 'in' twice, and 'dieing' i think should be 'dying'..It is a bit hard to follow, but holds lots of potential! =]
~WU -
I've noticed you don't use a lot of punctuation in your pieces, and you don't really use capital letters, but I think it fits in well with your writing style.
Kudos on another good write
Good luck in the contest sweetie
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