as we sit
around the table
tension is the table cloth
and the wine has a hint of suspense
side glances meant to slice
ricochet off the first words
that slip out of my mouth
concentrate
on the man who could slit my throat with his fingernails
pay mind to
the man who could strangle me with just his gaze
scare
the man who i could easily suffocate with a single finger over his mouth
intimidate
the man who i could freeze with one breath
finally the comment i had released
reaches our ears
"Which one of us killed him?"
All of us smile
our killer smiles
knowing all of us had done a more heinous crime
A contest entry
- Cynical Writers Welcome! by bw43.
549 points, ended March 13, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
eggselente
ver good loved everything except da beginning part (lines 3-4) I think it needs ta flow more er sometin -
woah vivs! nice job! this has a really cool feel to it. i like when the people are described. "the man who i could freeze with one breath"..
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LoL. I guess I'm crazy, cuz I found this one to be kind of a funny. I don't know.
Anywho, I liked the way you laid out a scene for your readers... you did a very good job of that... I kind of pictured a semi-lit restaurant....
I'm not sure how the title relates to this piece though. I was trying to figure it out... is it because the "you" tha title refers to is the guy that was killed... and he hated the people at the table trying to figure out who killed him?
well thank you very much for this dark entry and good luck in the contest
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Suspencefully interesting
I highly enjoyed reading your poem! It took talent I supose.....It had a high level of intellegence wraped up in a rich creativity.....good job!
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