girl meets boy
boy's got a girl
got a girl who
rocks his world
girl meets boy
girl can't show
how girl feels
boy can't know
girl meets boy
dreams must die
girl can't kill them
don't know why
girl meets boy
boy's got a girl
got a girl who
rocks his world
A contest entry
- Rhyming poems of all sorts, please submit here by Vagabond.
300 points, ended April 11, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - N/A by Maybe Anastasia.
300 points, ended April 25, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Excellent
I liked the simplicity of this poem, the flow is excellent and the poem tells a story. It woud make a great lyric for a song. The rhyme scheme is subtle and unerring. Congratulations on the gold trophy.
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Terse verse¿? In truth I would be more interested to know why the ‘girl can’t show – what girl feels’ – being an alien from far, far away, I find the antics of humans very strange… the posturing and dress… particularly among the young adults. Like some of the matting rituals of weaver birds¿?
Someone suggested this piece should be longer but I think continued for very long this very short rhyme scan would become rather sing –song. Personally I think this is about as long as it should be… indeed, world and rocks rounds it off rather well! Well done.
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This is an interesting form that I think suits the subject of the poem. Well done with the Gold.
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hhmm great write. I liked the choppy style alot and I deffinatly agree it is good with out capps. The only thing I don't like it you said girl meets boy even when the boy was "talking" I would have said boy meets girl but I see why you did it that way. GREAT WRITE. Thanks for the entry.
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Great work on this... again, as i seem to be saying alot lately... it is a little short for my tastes, especially with such short lines in each stanza. Still, overall you've done a great job on this poem... it reminds me a great deal of something Avril Lavine might have written, and would be great as a song.
I know it is not really the style of the piece (the style being to leave much to the imagination) but i really would have liked to see just a touch more depth and imagination added to this poem... I could see this as being the basis or the chorus of a much greater work! Good job and thanks for entering! Keep writing (but stop when your fingers bleed - trust me, experiance shows it to be painful... ow...)
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