the harsh colors of your light bright
in this now darkened room
easily shape a mold of my heart cracking
with only a wavering hope for a future,
I’m already foreseeing this upcoming loss…
you show all these hazy feelings
that lie just an inch or two
under this mask of false pretenses
underlying this…my crushed hope
when I found these things were true
under these false eyelashes
I’m a killer baby
so don’t try to fool me
I opt not to play the part
of your whore this time
I’ll just write this one off
mistake made, lesson learned..
Author notes
an ex *option 3* ->lysdarling<-
A contest entry
- Heartbreak... by BittersweetPhantasm.
525 points, ended March 14, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lets write a lovely!! poem for your EX bf/gf by Laura.
440 points, ended May 19, 2007, 92 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - an option contest about......stuff lol by Xx52sLittleTrampxX.
450 points, ended October 2, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
comments appreciated
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I like how the words seemed to ring together nicely. My computer is going super slow right now so this comment may not be as good as it should.
I love the imagery in the first stanza. I can see the light bright's picture of your heart. The rhyme in stanza two was great. Love the line: "I'm a killer baby" just because it rules, hah. Gives it that "RAWR" feeling.
The ending fit so nicely. Nice write
-
-
thank you, i'm so happy you like it. luck judging, my dear
-lys
-
-
hey can you write your option no. in your author's box please.
-
"under these false eyelashes
I’m a killer baby
so don’t try to fool me"
Love that part!!
&& Btw, the title kicksass :]
At first I thought it said 'bright-light' hahah.
Great job
<33333
-
this is a great write.
-
You know I have to comment on this one
I'm a killer baby
So don't try to fool me
I LUB IT lol
XLB
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
