Listening to the rain outside, up against the glass
I saw a shadow in the hall, I saw it walk right past
It made its way into the room where I last saw your face
The last time there was laughter in this God forsaken place
My glass of wine fell to the floor, my heart began to pound
I listened hard to hear your voice but there was not a sound
I clear my eyes and look around to see if it was you
You’re standing right in front of me, I don’t know what to do
I try to talk, no words come out, my tears they start to fall
You’re looking at me longingly, your name I try to call
You do not speak, do not laugh, you do not even cry
I look into your deep blue eyes and try to ask you why
Why you left me like you did, and what am I to do
This life I live is not a life, especially without you
The tears I cry, are cried for you, it’s so hard to go on
Just knowing that you won't be back, you are forever gone
A lightning flash, a clash of thunder bring me to my senses
I'm all alone without you here and utterly defenseless
The day I laid you in the ground my life was buried, too
It won’t be long, you have my word, I’m coming back to you.
A contest entry
- Rhyme me about life, love or loss by Random Thoughts.
425 points, ended March 16, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sad Poems please :):) by LeilaJayne.
1400 points, ended January 23, 2008, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of All Your Rhymes by One Angry Monkey.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - beyond sad... make tears... beyond happy... make me jump by poemsforfaith.
650 points, ended July 5, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme by XxNinjaNemoxX.
650 points, ended August 4, 55 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Contest by Blue-Rose Beauty.
490 points, ends December 11, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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ty for your fantastic entry
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Aww wow.
This heartbreaking, amazing and utter perfection.
I adored this peace.
The ending was so strong.
And the love you have for this lost loved one is indeed strong, if a true story. And if not, you're great at making your work realistic.
Congratulations and best of luck in my contest
xoxo. -
"I try to talk, no words come out, my tears they start to fall
You’re looking at me longingly, your name I try to call
You do not speak, do not laugh, you do not even cry
I look into your deep blue eyes and try to ask you why"
These are my favourite lines! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
-heva ♫
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Brilliant!!!! Xxx
Out of ten I give you 9.5!!!!
fantastic write!
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An excellent rhyming poem that was a real pleasure to read. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
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This is beautiful; I love your rhyme and rhythm - very well written, my friend
Thankyou so much for entering, and I wish you the best of luck!
Maria
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Rain!
Wow.
This is fantastic!
I feel the emotion pouring from this.
Amazing! -
Oh I do understand loss, very well and I know that you must've felt it bad too and I only wish you and others didn't feel this way, as I wouldn't wish this sensation on anyone.
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Very Nice!
I FELT the pain in this poem. Normally, I am not fond of rhyming works - just because they don't come naturally to me but I especially liked the line "The day I laid you in the ground my life was buried, too".
I would have liked to seen a stronger title though- something more poignant as the poem is so emotional.
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Great images
These lines work together in a very interesting way. One can get a very clear image of a love lost in a romantic sense. The second to last line changes everything in this piece. I think the beginning rhyme scheme was very predictable, and I liked how you disrupted your own flow. Very strong, good job -
Beautiful, yet sad...
I appreciated having the chance to read your very heart-and-soul-felt poem, written to the one you love so much more than yourself... "Loss" is a beautiful memorial in tribute to your partner, and I hope the experience of writing this was at least somewhat healing for you. This lovely poem is well deserving of the multiple golden chalices earned in the various contests here on AP. I really do admire your bravery in sharing your sad loss with the world. Thank you for trusting us with your feelings, and God Bless You and Yours. Peace, Cyn
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awesome
thanks for entering my contest
this is just the sort of thing I was looking for -
Thanks for the entry, it's a very well written piece, sad though it is. i felt that the first versus were stronger than the last to some extent, with the latter lines requiring a little more work on the readers behalf to create the same flow.
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The rhyming, the flow and the emotions all work superbly within this sad poem. The story of seeing one who has once passed on is one that many speak of. I only dream of my friend and never see her in the day of light. A wonderful poem.
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A rare find; someone who can appreciated the art of rhyme and meter, A beautiful, well written poem.
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Thank you so much, kind Lady.
I do like rhyme...it so much easier to read than freeverse although I dabble in that, too.
I appreciate your comment.
Michael
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It won’t be long, you have my word, I’m coming back to you
wow omg i thught it was a break up poem but its so much more wow you have a grerat way with word i hope it gets a little better for you dont let the sadness consume you but dont ever forget the love.
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Thank you, Sir...You are very kind and I appreciate your comment.
Michael
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Beautifully sad... the emotion really came through!
I loved the rhyme and the pacing was very well done also. I don't usually like longer lined poetry, but it worked very well in this instance...
Thanks so much for entering! This touched my heart! -
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Thank you.
That is very sweet of you.
Michael
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WOW this is amazing i love it.
Thanks for entering
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Thank you. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It is so tragic to lose someone so young...my condolences to you.
Michael -
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thank you x
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Such Heartache!
I can see why this piece has the Gold. So much sorrow held within this verse, yet you have ended it with a hopeful light of being with the one you love in eternity.
Love your writing Michael. Always a moving experience to read your poetry~
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You have a way of hitting hard right at the end of your poems that I find awesome. Your work has impressed me again, sir
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You are such a beautiful poet, that was so emotional for me to read,
Thankyou so very much for sharing that with me,
I sincerely loved every part of it,
Best of luck to you,
-Brenden -
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Thanks very much, Brenden. 'Tis a pleasure to be a part of your contest. Lots of great poems. Good luck to you on the judging.
Michael
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