Can you tell how I am feeling,
as we lay here in bed,
our arms never reaching,
no words ever said.
Do you care that I am crying,
tired of being alone,
my body getting weaker,
nothing but skin and bone.
Will you remember me,
long after I die,
will you sit at my grave,
allow yourself to cry.
I wish things were different,
like when we first met,
we broke all the rules,
no boundaries were set.
We made love with such passion,
stayed naked through the night,
didn't leave the others side,
until dawns early light.
So at work we ask for overtime,
not wanting to come home,
you usually sit downstairs and study,
as I sit upstairs and write this poem.
I wish I could bring back the moment,
you first kissed me on the lips,
your hands exploring every curve of mine,
not stopping at my hips.
Please lets meet all over again,
pretend to believe in fate,
I need to feel that thing called love,
and forget about all this hate.
In a list
A contest entry
- Love and Hurt by xofightinirishx3.
495 points, ended May 20, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forbidden Love by PrincessKazza.
400 points, ended December 18, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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great emotion...I love how your looking back on the memories of when your love was strong...good luck and thanks for entering
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Well, this is my relationship at its finest.
-
lynn
wow
thats the longest poem i have read of your.
you are a great writer
i wish i was as smart as
you ... -
wow
it was an unbelievably realistic and emotional poem..loved it
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Wow
Very pretty! I loved the whole poem xD
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Pretty Cool
As i sit and write this poem.I love it -
I know what you're talking about here. I can relate. I can't help but wish that I had back those precious moments of new love with my husband. It was the best time of my life. Though I have forced myself to look forward and appreciate the new things in life. Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene.
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I, also, can identify with this one for these are the words that we're thinking while in bed AFTERWARDS (if we haven't left by that time), wondering what to do now that the physical synergy of the moment is gone.
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This had a really great theme to it and it is one I can identify with. It sounded like a disease at first but as I read onward I could tell that it ws the disease of love and th lacke of it. It can be cured but two have to work at it. Thank you for sharing this.
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The first 5 stanzas, to me,sounded as if you had a serious illness...it seemed not a good fit with the last three...but the sentiment is constant...the feeling of lonliness...and aching for what is lost...hey and get off that computer,take the book from his hand...snuggle in his lap...fan those embers back into flames..
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i couldn't decide what my favorite part, awesome poem.
So at work we ask for overtime,
not wanting to come home,
you usually sit downstairs and study,
as I sit upstairs and write this poem.
I wish I could bring back the moment,
you first kissed me on the lips,
your hands exploring every curve of mine,
not stopping at my hips.
-
i love this mom you have a great way with words!!!!
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Excellent poem - it portrays your feelings very well and you made the effort to keep it rhyming!
Title was really effective - first line too - the last line: I think "hate" is a bad word to use even though it carries on the rhyming scheme.
Also one tiny thing - wouldn't it be better if in Stanza 5, line 3 you said "..each other's side" instead of "..the other's side"?
now all you have to do is make him read it! -
Excellent piece you have written here. It's so sad when a relationship gets to that stage......but at least there is hope to fix it, through one parties willingness to try and talk about it.
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i absolutly LOVE this poem, it is almost like you know me and Alex. wow Great write and if you don't mind i would like to show this to her because what you wrote is our lives! you are amazing!
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Yeah great story you have told here and the question you are asking is what we all need to know!!
The wording used paints a sad picture of love and the imagery I get is of two people that are strangers in their own home together,
Great rhyme and sequence,
Another amazing effort truly worthy of praise, your talnt spill's out all over the page,
-Brenden
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Bravo!
I love the word choices in this one. It sets the emotional tone and rhythm perfectly. Great imagery you have painted also. The type that changes depending upon the reader's personal experience. Great Write! ~Peace~Gary
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