There are sparks of sorrow
that ignite regret.
Pools of confusion that reveal
dark reflections of misery.
Grains of sadness lie sunken
at the bottom of a sea of tears.
An inner child that clings
to foundations of youth.
Waves of determination that
crash upon rocks of realization.
A flame that flickers in the face
of fury and frustration.
Fountains of fear that cascade
into whirlpools of despair.
Hints of happiness that huddle
deep inside a heavy heart.
Peaks of pain that soar
and dive without mercy.
A ravenous hunger delves
into the soul within.
Author notes
My Inner Self
A contest entry
- Who Are You... Tell me. by Lj-.
350 points, ended March 16, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Depressing...Please enter by XHollowXEyesX.
700 points, ended April 6, 2007, 119 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me your darker side by DemonChild.
1200 points, ended May 30, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Powerfull
Maybe to powerfull the strong words you use are a wonderful change to the timid word of others. Yet it might be to potent for your meaning gets lost. the words jumble together and the meaning is lost. I like it but I do think you need to find a balance of words to meaning. good luck -
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HI. Thank you for your comments on this. I will change the last couple of lines, but will leave the rest as it is. I apreciate your opinion and for reading my work.
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this is a great write,. althoug in places it seemed to be overwhelming with so much description. do not get me wrong it was deep and meaningful, but it seemed too heavy...?too much of one thing not enough of another to keep it balanced.great write. thanks for entering and goodluck
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Thanks for commenting.
I see a lot of myself in this. I sort of liked the way you used "particles" at the end, sort of like your inner self isn't entirely whole anymore. Some really interesting images in this. -
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My pleasure. Hoped it helped. Thank you for commenting on this poem too. I appreciate it very much. I used particles as a way of saying that it was parts of me...the different feelings which all make up my soul within, but I can see what you mean also, so i guess it can be taken in two different ways and maybe inwardly that what I was trying to say also...that my soul isn;t entirely whole anymore due to life's tragedy's. Thank you for reading and commenting frodofan. x
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Very detailed. Well done.
In line ten:
"realisation" should be "realization"
Thank you for your entry,
Good luck!
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Hi. Thanks very much for your comments. I'm pleased that you liked it. I will also change the spelling...thanks for pulling me up on it. No, thank you for the contest. Good Luck with the judging.
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You're welcome and thank you.
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No Probs.
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