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Ruptured (1/5/07)

He touched my face
Traced my lips
Stroked my cheek
With soft fingertips

Then he kissed my hand
Held it tight
And told me
All would be alright

Then he slammed the door
In my face
Said that I was
“A huge disgrace”

It was all a lie
That I believed
I can’t comprehend
That I’d been deceived

I gave him my heart
Gave him my all
He said that he’d catch me
If I should fall

Now he’s gone
And I’m alone
With a ruptured heart
That needs to be sewn

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    June 27, 2009
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    That was really good and sad. I loved the rhymes especially in the first two paragraphs.

  • eternal-devotion
    August 17, 2007

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    I likesd it a lot

    My first impression is that it sure hurts to be decieved. It is all so well done that I can't find any part that I didn't like. I liked it all. Emotionally This could have been me more than I care to remember. There was not a part that was awkward it was all easy to read. The title sets the tone of the poem in the best way anything could. The first line is just what they do to capture you, and then they leave you with just that a broken heart that needs to be sewn. A very good poem and I found it so very real.


  • raggyann
    August 17, 2007

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    you wrote this poem wonderfuly
    i know that all can relate to this poem all have loast love,
    wonderful words

  • darrylblacksr
    April 1, 2007

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    I can so relate to this write that it's incredible as if you was thinking the same thoughts at that moment. This is a really beautiful poem and I hope that since then you have mended your ruptured heart...

  • darkmind4eva
    March 30, 2007
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    you were right it was a great write and a must read good job


  • TeenFailure
    March 14, 2007

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    I'll sow it up for you, just because i dont want you to have a broken heart.. i am very sorry you have a broken heart i was really touched by the lines "I gave him my heart i gave him my all he said that hed catch me if i should fall. Now hes gone and im alone with a ruptured heart that needs to be sewn" That hits my heart with a big thud.. i've had that feeling so many times and actually wonder how much more it can break before i dont have a heart left, but this isnt about me i should talk about your poem lol i really like it it was strong emotional and very touching keep up the good work hun

  • goalsv
    March 14, 2007

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    Beautifully written, the rhyme was great! This seems to happen more and more! Overall men can be slime and that is a shame. Sounds like he lost a good lady!


  • Papyrus
    March 13, 2007
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    heart-breaking

    deep but truthfull,...guys are the worst, I know it.


  • PlasticPrecious
    March 12, 2007

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    Lovely

    This was really good!
    It had good flow and rhymed beautifully!
    good write and an excellent read for me!

    Plastic Noses and Mannequin Poses

    BR


  • Child of an Angel
    March 12, 2007

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    Hmm

    Boy so many can relate to this, as I am one of many im sure. But it just works well with my mood today. Wonderful job. The flow is good and truly good rhyme also. KEep it flowing
    Always
    Emily

1 - 10 of 10