flying on the wings of love i dream
dreaming of the bliss of love i beam
Sun and Moon bathing in the stream
with dream and stream life is not a scream
Author notes
pic#11
A contest entry
- Dreams by k2vet.
600 points, ended April 27, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be inspired by one of these 11 pics by GypsyEyes.
525 points, ended December 28, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Good opening...
but you go astray after that. The scream is out of place in this poem. I like the image of the sun and the moon bathing in the stream, though. Work in progress? -
Wonderful
What a great creation. So very well expressed. Best of luck in the contest.
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monorhyme is so hard to do, but you did it well. I like the active words - flying, dreaming, bathing, very gentle images - until scream.
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this was a little to abstract for my taste. i felt something was lost in the poem with your forced rhyming. maybe a free verse would be better for this.
~Dommi -
WOW! it hink that the first line was pretty good. then it seems for the rest of the poem, that by trying to rhyme used confused the reader. maybe this would work better in free verse.
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The first two lines are clver Good ryme and meter
third line is a good image Very nice!
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Nice poem, seems quite hopeful in a sense. You used a lot of rhyme here, both internal and external which I found repetitive but I'm not sure if I like that or not, I think it showed the 'dream' and the hopeful aspects of this.
I guess we're helpless in a sense, but we're useless because that which we think we can do (both good and bad) we can't always really do. The sun does not revolve around us, the planet copes perfectly well without us, and we survive (like all animals) just so we survive.
Pozo
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Your monorhyme poem flows delightfully, but then it ends with "scream", which still feels scary even though it is negated. I like the imagery in the first two lines and the personification in line 3.
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loved the rhyme and you have used such vivid and beautiful imagery.
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Wow...i wish i could fly on loves wings
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