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Who am i

This broken man.
Whose dreams are shattered,
pieces of glass in his hand.
A man who worked so hard and lost it all.
He fought for what he believed in,
to bad he was the only one.
They all gave up.
They left him to die alone.
They betrayed him every chance they had.
He was left broken,
alone, and afraid.
He stopped fighting.
He wanted it to end.
His heart wouldn’t heal.
They killed who he was,
what remains is me.

Author notes

keeper of(who i was)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • SilentMoonlight
    October 14, 2008

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    This was a sad poem with some great descriptive words and some very striking concepts. It made me think quite a bit and wonder what would provoke you to write such a sad poem.

    Great write though thanks for entering!


  • InMyFlames
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ive read this in a previous contest but what i read it still quality with a nice twist at the end well done and thanks for entering


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    June 27, 2008

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    I love the emotion in this piece. I am sure everybody has felt like this at one time or another. I enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.


  • spilt ink
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I know how you feel. I had to struggle to get back the real me after I let someone take it. It was a war but well worth. Sometimes people have to learn the hard way that you have to be careful. I did and it seems like you did too. Great poem. S.I.

  • schellou
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    You're a great talent

    Good luck in the contest!


  • InMyFlames
    January 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "what remains is me" lovely poem, thank you for entering


  • aeolia
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "They killed who he was
    what remains is me"
    Awesome lines!

    You might want to consider punctuation, because reading this out loud gave no hints as to where to pause, stop, put emphasis, etc. It's just kind of run-on-ish without punctuation, you know?

    Show, don't tell. This could be so moving, yet it feels dry and bare with all the telling. Images -- and powerful diction -- have such amazing effects, and I wish you had explored this in-depth because you have a great idea.

    Thanks for entering and also for complying with the categories issue; I appreciate it!

    --Cristina

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad. These lines really touch me :
    They betrayed him every chance they had
    He was left broken
    Alone and afraid
    He stopped fighting
    He wanted it to end
    His heart wouldn’t heal
    They killed who he was
    what remains is me
    Thank you for your entry nice write xxx


  • Raven Tears gold member
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A short but powerful write.
    The imagry portrayed in this write was most excellent.
    Love and Light.

    ~Raven Tears~


  • KeeperOfTheNight
    March 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    They killed who he was
    what remains is me

    i truly am envious, wow this poem is so amazing, just wow, this is true passion, i loveit, the truth is so beautiful in here, thank you for allowing me to read this.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    March 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was sad butlovely and it made me think and this makes a great poem. a wonderful peice you have written with a sad and descriptive flow in it. thnx and gd luck


  • Naridill gold member
    March 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "A man who worked so hard and lost it all
    He fought for what he believed in"

    Very sad, emotional and hard hitting with relativity. I like this poem. It is very strong of feelings.

    ALthough you didnt say which option, please reply with option. Thanks.

    Thank you and good luck


  • Lj-
    March 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done.

    I liked:

    "Whose dreams are shattered
    Pieces of glass in his hand."


    Thank you for your entry,
    Best of luck!

1 - 16 of 16