one day you said
hey friend
how's life
how's everything
then something
everything
thrown out the door
while tears try to make the words not hurt too much
oh fuck it
it's just too hard to explain
I'm trying to write this all in vain
while all I feel is the sting from you trying to cause me pain
I'm okay
I deal
but what is need is something I steal
just another lonely heart
just another lonely person
to give me my bursts of good times
to which I never stay in for too long
what's sad is I know that it's not going to last
but still I try to hold on to something
something that never stays
it's never ending
where my insincts come in
and try to say stop you moron
but still
I don't listen
try as I might
I can't shake this
from my memory
'cuz sometimes I hold on too long
and that leaves me worse off
at a loss for saying something
let's just end this now
I know it doesn't deserve a wow
or some big applause
I can't see into the future
but I see clearly into mine
I bet you see too
come on
we all know
where I'll end up
take a wild guess
without trying to impress
lone ranger
lone star
can't you see
I'm my own sort of best friend
sometimes it hurts
well rather it kills
but at least I don't rely on somebody else to pay the bills
A contest entry
- Can You Write Dark Poetry??? Prove it! by sparkling-assassin.
345 points, ended October 13, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What does it mean to be ALONE? by WhenWillsCollide.
575 points, ended May 30, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
this poem was strangely good. it was written a little differently then most, and I enjoyed the change!
I liked the rhyme a little more in some places than in others, and I think that, overall, this poem flowed very nicely.
The use of the lining and set-up of this piece was very affective. It kept my attention and made me stop to think what might happen next. well done.
"lone ranger
lone star
can't you see
I'm my own sort of best friend
sometimes it hurts
well rather it kills
but at least I don't rely on somebody else to pay the bills"
I feel that this is the strongest part of your poem becaue it gets a strong image and emotion across, probably what you were aiming at. I think that this was hte emotion you were writting from, and that it just took a little while to get into the swing of things. (the rhyme of hte last 2 lines is the best one in the poem in my opinion!)
nicely written!
-
"Its so sad to be alone", but I guess you already know this.
-
this was a really great write...i can relate to this write and really enjoyed reading this...your words were powerful,emotional and strong as well..the flow was also smooth..keep writitng your talented
xXTashaXx
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