Dark grey gloomy bay -
a testament to her sorrow.
She weeps - the black angel,
Marred by the evils of man.
Once a child of beauty and light
She sits now broken, blackened
At the edge of a sea of tears,
Cried from her cold black eyes.
She knows not exactly
For what she weeps - for herself?
Or for innocence destroyed,
For death and destruction
Which fills our world
Spewing forth like some vile disease
From the minds and hands of man,
The power of creation forgotten.
In the skies overhead and far out at sea
The warmongers ride.
Streaks of devastation in their wakes.
Charging toward the battle fields
Once home to happy children
Who now lie cold and stiff
Beneath stoney earth and rivers of blood
Where life has been long forgotten.
And the black angel
Once full of joy and hope
Sits at the edge of her sea of tears
And weeps for our despair.
Author notes
Option 1
The title of the poem is a quote from "The Black Angels Death Song" by The Velvet Underground.
A contest entry
- Contemplate by Deceits Tears.
800 points, ended March 21, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Culture: Religion, Society and Politics by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 84 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Sorry I had a computer issue my computer failed. I like the intro into the poem. It drew me into the story. I had to take my time and read it carefully. I like how you end it.
And the black angel once full of of and hope, sits at the edge of her sea of tears, and weeps for our despair, I am truly sorry for my computer freezing up on me. Hopefully it fix for now.
Creativity 19/20
Imagery 19/20
flow 20/20
metaphor 19/20
Lasting impact 20/20
over all score 97/100 -
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That's cool - thank you so much - any critique of my work is welcome - I am here to improve my work and to find out how people react to it so I really appreciate honest comments.
And I hope your computer isn't sick for long
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huh??
Im not sure what this is supposed to mean - if anything????
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kmzsfdc 6 -p[.
The introduction is very strong it pulls the reader into the story.g[p;;;; -
So dark and deep. I loved this write. It make me feel as if there really is some one or some thing out there crying for you and me. Well done.
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powerful stuff, good write, all the best in the contest
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