Her sunny toes clicked
as she curled them.
And her legs hung
like an idiot's pencil,
tracing her ill-pronounced
vowels.
See, her titter didn’t rust with
the seasons.
Keen eyes played melodies for
her “ever green” smile.
And I envy her.
Her pouted innocence
makes splinters of my teeth,
as my mind whirls around
my printed memory
with regret.
If my limbs were to waver
in such a manner,
my shadow would knot a
noose around my feet,
and watch me tumble.
The shifting moments
have blunted our fresh notions,
and now the mounds of autumn
are irreversible.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Okey: stanza 4 -> I really had it very difficult to keep my jaw where it should be. it metaphorically fell open and smashed against the soil underneath me. It's a very strong part of this poem, and I actually dare to say that it would stand alone perfectly... Not that you have to get rid of the rest of your stanza's, definately not, but in case you wouldn't have come up with the rest then it would still be a jawbreaker
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autumn desire
The poem is neatly woven round the tastes of autumn.
the words weighed more in their positions to make the
verse look brighter.
Three cheers for the anatomical/structural reference of autumn at its best -
It really is quite interesting. Lovely metaphors and the imagery is incredible. There are so many great parts to it. You really get the message across without being so blunt and in-your-face as some poems can be. Really nice. Thanks for sharing.
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very interesting spin, had to read it several times to get it. gotta love something that makes me work so hard. well done.
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very pretty, an almost innocent view of youth by the one who has grown older...an enjoyable read! well done!
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i wish that i could write so clearly about one person or thing in one continuous thought.. i can't do that
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Yes, I am at the end of autumn and the cool breezes of winter approach. All of the metaphors apply. A covering of snow=gray hair chill=aching bones...I'm picturing the shadow knotting a noose. Very good.
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I love the underlying feeling of innocent awe that you have tied to the description of autumn. Wonderful imagery and a captivating read.
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See, her titter didn’t rust with
the seasons.
Keen eyes played melodies for
her “ever green” smile.
And I envy her.
AND
The shifting moments
have blunted our fresh notions,
and now the mounds of autumn
are irreversible.
EXCELLENT WORD PLAY HERE
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I would buy the book or at least read it!
I'm not the best interpretor. But I see this as an insightful discourse on aging; maybe because I am old. Anyway, you are gifted. Yesterday was my first day here, and this is the second poem of yours I have read. I'm sure I will read more. The first and last lines could not have been better chosen. Lovely.
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