Bang. Bang.
The gun in her hands,
it happened so fast
a one-hit wonder
across their lives--
he falls to the floor,
kisses her one. last. time.
she fades to death-stained cries
and as her blue eyes dull she
says her [final] goodbyes
[dripdrip]
Like ADD raindrops
tears fall down his face
And crayon-colored bloodstains
adorn her tattered body.
She lays dying from her
pistol-polluted hands as
he remembers the stuttered grudges
and her pretty-midnight lullabies
Blip, blip
Minutes lost as he
mourns for his lover,
and her lover, himself;
then he writes "I loved her"
in blood across the floor
before he shoots himself a single time
and again they join together in
indifferent suicides.
Author notes
this was inspired by "Pistols and Heart" http://www.oneposter.com/UserData/Poster/Poster_21511.jpg
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired. by A Murderous Lament.
380 points, ended March 15, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Passions first spark by robert bolin.
1000 points, ended July 5, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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lol
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Wow...creepy awesome. You have that ability that I've noticed in Kayla, and of which I am completely jealous, to splice lines so that they make even MORE sense than if you had left out the parentheses or extra periods. Bang up job, darlin'. *snicker and side nudge* Get it, "BANG UP job?" *laughs self into a coma*
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LOL dork.
ty though, to be compared to Kayla's writing is an utmost compliment.
you know her Eriu story?
Totally collabing on that with a mirror version. I steal her characters and she steals mine.
^_^
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wow. Wow. Yes, good. Wow i Like it very much.
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Damn this hits home in a lot of ways for me as of late these days, One because I'm divorcing soon, and two because on mothers day this past may 13th I tride to take my life for this person, the power and the emotions left behind in this piece is amazing, thank you for sharing your work with us here on ap..
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i'm so sorry, hun!
thanks so much for commenting as always it's very much appreciated
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wow this really is good. itz about the suicides of lovers. well i think?? i guess lovers can still be together while in death just in a different way. well this is a really good poem..i luv i
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Wow...you never showed me this one. That's a forkin' awesome write, my dear. I don't know why, but I was reminded of Romeo and Juliet. Isn't that some crazy shniz? Yeah, well...this was better than Romeo and Juliet anyway. I loved those last two lines, though. "Indifferent suicides"...I have a feeling that will become a cliche in years to come.
Congratulatons; you spawned the next generation turn of phrase! Kudos, lerver, I loved it.
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Fab
A really vivid write. Wonderful wording and style to the poem -
amazing
is all i can say
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Wow...I love how you put "I loved her" in the last stanza..it made it stick out a little more. it jus tshows that some people can love you enough to want to die with you...To be hurt enough to do, jus tshows us that love is alive. If your luckey enough to find it
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Amazing.
Wow this is really amazing. I love how you wrote this. It's so perfect. I love how you put the periods in this line "kisses her one. last. time." adds drama. Great great write really. Truly amazing.
A MURDEROUS LAMENT <\33
Welcome to the finalists list. -
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wow, thanks so much!!!! That photo was definately great inspiration for this, so I'm quite glad I found the contest regardless of whether or not I end up placing, because I'm almost kind of happy with how it turned out.
Anyways, thanks for making me a finalist!!
-Becks
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