my head is pounding
my pulse races
holding on to your pretty face
love forbidden so sublime
i sit here asking
why cant we erase time
just go back
it wouldn't take long
to be free to be who we were
back before they knew
long ago
when our love was true
can't go back
can't go forward
one more touch to hold me over
twisted broken badly bent
why did you leave our wedding bed
time for sorrow is long over
as i look over my shoulder
i grab the poison from your hand
put the bottle to my lips and drink of the sweet relief
growing dark i am much colder
but at least now, I can hold her .
A contest entry
- Not allowed to love... by Lord Merlynn.
600 points, ended March 13, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 666 POINTS and yes- If you look at this contest- you will be sure to go to HELL! by Ativan.
666 points, ended May 17, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tragedies by Musical Renaissance.
700 points, ended June 15, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insane? or just nervous? by Death4Hire13.
390 points, ended June 7, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - When Darkness Takes Over by Starz of Heaven.
525 points, ended June 9, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - show me the pain,ill give you the money by On Frail Wings..
550 points, ended June 18, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire me by Kristin Melissa.
1050 points, ended July 2, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme your greenies by crazymomma.
300 points, ended August 11, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into gold (or silver or bronze) #6 by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended September 27, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I think the ending falters a little, but it is still a solid write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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I liked how powerful the emotion was in this write. I got a "Romeo and Juliet" sense from it. Thanks for entering and good luck
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if you ask me this is alot like Romeo and Juliet,which was a beautiful and sad story. Koodles on your writing and good luck in the contest.
blessed be
Mystic -
This is a very nice write thank you for shairng it with me and adding it to the contest. Best of luck to you
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Romeo and Juliet? It was a nice poem, but it was missing something. I don't know what, but yeah. It flowed well, and was very beautiful. Good luck in my contest!
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Great job...and I can see a bit of ROMEO AND JULIET in it. Not exactly what I meant for the contest, but I suppose it will do. Thank yo for your time and great write!
~*~RoseDawn~*~
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I was confused how anybody gave you a trophy for this piece but reread and this time- finished it all the way through and the end is your strength. You propose some developed advancedments in poetic form that attract the reader. The beginning just doesn't fit with everything else. Work on it. No such thing as a perfect "write". Anywyas, I thankyou for joining the contest and wish you good luck
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awwwww. this poem has lots of feelings in it. which makes it really good. i like it alot. its easy to relate too. but it is sad. i love the ways the words flow. its just a really great poem.
- katie
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thank you very much for reading my work i will check out yours sometime i promise
poetry is only as good as the poets who read it
and i owe to my two mentors Lord vampire eternal and of course my bro Lord merlynn -
thank you very much for the encouragement i honestly didn't think my poetry was that good . please help me become better by looking over my other work i would be in your debt .thanks again
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This is a tragic write, Love can be like acid rain sometimes it burns but never kills even when we wish it would, for it would be a much easier death..... you expressed your emotion in this piece perfectly... well done hun
Karen -
Romeo and julie et the poison, it is a bitter soul-lution to
love's end but there is no more pain, kill me before I stop again, I like this in a wicked way I have known the need to be missed in that way, but never acted fuly on it... more good stuff from Kim with her poisoned pen~~~Artis
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BRAVO
the dark exploration ofour inner feelings and longing love the thing we crave the most can most often cause us the most pain and torment very well done i loved it the sadness the dark side of love that no one see,s till it is to late to turn back very well writte a wonderful job
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dark dark self discovery, self reclamation
this is one of my favorite poem types, where the poet leaves so much ambiguity about what is actually happening, the poet allows you to grow into the poem and you can look at this poem for a long time and read it over and over and guess what.... it is about me, too. I have a deep regret and yearning, many, some for myself and my lack of true self identity, others for solutions of death and escape to all of my lost loves, their coming back into my life only to take pieces away.... this masterful write tells me you are sad and longing, that your heart has been broken, even that you may be looking at your own pretty face, or a new lovers pretty face.... i think, it is good to have a love for yourself. You have gotten a brilliant and beautiful write down here which I believe is about a tremendous self discovery need and your struggles now to win and take yourself back to where you want to go forward from. ,,,Danni
totally wonderful *rose(
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