i: tyler
you were always angry
when i refused you
some secret of right and wrong
back then, inside of you
[i simply didn't know]
i bent backwards,
in the gymnastics i'd lost
when i met you
doubling myself to avoid
the thrust of fists
i knew:
cheek pressed to leather
that your hands prevented mercy
i had dim hopes of recovery
but i found joy in your abuse
at the end of a paper route
i learned the secret of lying
hold your breath
until blue becomes your favorite color
the color of boys
[always was]
ii: donald
i always laughed at you
and my tongue was bit
in return
i took notes on your skin
marking spots you liked
when your fist
danced in my mouth
i found dimples growing
in my wrists, collar,
stomach, thighs
all the places you loved
the scenery curved
inwards, instead of out
in your hands,
you ate me
splitting me in half
and teaching me
everything
i already knew
how to lie
but i grabbed your tongue
and ring finger
learning how to steal
i held breath in my pores
and turned white
the color of nothing
[my new favorite]
iii: shirley [reborn and renewed]
we tottered
like empty bottles
too tired to compete
with half-heartedness
i faked a headache
daring you to touch my temples
but skin flaked
from our secrecy
escape routes loomed
in my peripheral
our locker lies
were diced
in the hands of
hypocrites
rebellion danced
full force
on limbs [un]convinced
of their purpose
i pulled marrow
from crevices
in your thoughts
and intentions
now i breathe
the cleaner air
of city waste
and only paint
in shades of gray
[the color of moving on]
iv.
i delight,
early mornings
have forgotten
names
i have no haunts
no more dreams
fears, or bad guys
i have healing,
recovery,
bliss from love
i'll pen cliches
from now on
to prove life
and giddiness
happy never impressed
like depressed does
but i'll wear it
not to cover up,
but expose
[myself to love]
Author notes
i: frat boy abuse
ii: education and boredom
iii: beginning coming to its end
iv: survival and happiness
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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very clever use of color especially...
'i learned the secret of lying
hold your breath
until blue becomes your favorite color
the color of boys'
& using gray as the color of moving on
hot damn!
almost every person (more women tho i think) have lived with one form of abuse or another. me too & you've captured how we are fed and begin to believe the lies... even the lies we tell ourselves. like "he only hit me once and it's because i made him mad". uh-huh. when you're the one being abused it's real tough to get perspective.
i like how you've shown leaving that abuse and how tough it is. how life seems hopeless at first
can you tell i admire this??
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Looks like we both came back. So glad I found you.
As always your writing is fantastic.
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Lol- Don't think I'm crazy, but I'm not sure who this is? I don't recognize the screen name...
I'm thinking its Trina in which case, Yay! but yea, drawing a blank...
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inspiring, iv was my favorite
xoxo,
lys
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I really enjoyed this poem. The whole thing is laced with emotion. To me it seems like a shot story of your life. The third section is my favorite. All the images you used put me in awe.
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i always appreciate your comments so much. thank you dear. <3
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I liked it. Tyler threw me off, though. I was like ';what? Doesn't she knew we're a couple'. Ha ha.
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~*~
For no other reason then i enjoyed it.
Joe
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