(1) After so long, the meeting fits
Nothing of their past, outside in the rain,
standing next to the hole in the ground.
(2) Mother and daughter, together again,
separated by a large, oak coffin.
(3) She was surprised to see her mother
Dressed elegantly in black from head to toe,
Never before had she seen her mother this way.
(4) They both look up as lightening strikes through
The sky, realizing the storm has only just begun.
(5) Thunder starts rolling from above,
Giving the girls mother shivers.
(6) The young girl looks away from her
Mother and back at the coffin,
She smiles as she notices the depressing look of it.
(7) With a hand in her pocket,
She imagines her mother observing her from afar,
Raven black hair, dark makeup on a pale face
And a studded belt securing her black pants,
The real her in many ways.
(8) The girl looks at her arm, a daily ritual,
As the thunder grows louder and louder.
(9) When she looks up again,
Her mother is pulling her black coat together
In the middle in an attempt to keep warm.
(10) Surprising her mother,
The daughter finally speaks up,
"I'm glad I killed him."
Author notes
(If you have come here from the link on my contest page, I shall let you know that it is against site policy for me to make you comment. It will give you no brownie points if you do.)
You still can, but under your own circumstances.
Here's the link to the contest.
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2342698
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Whoah that's one explosive ending and the whole piece is exellent! I appreciate your eye for detail and the air of expectancy created by the thunder. It's good how the mother is portrayed as seemingly emotionless except for the giveaway act of pulling her coat together, maybe because of the cold or perhaps it is a comforting act revealing that she feels lost or hurt.
I might attempt your contest.
See ya in tha tomb!
Love, light & peace
Georgia
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Cheers, I really surprised myself on this one, and even more so I surprised (and shocked) the lady who took the workshop HAHA.
Hope you do enter
But if you do, remember it's an annonymous contest
Slip
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this is a good write of yours. i'm not too fond of the paragraph style for it, i think it would look better if you free formed it in time. but this is better than what i am used to seeing for you.
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Yeah, I'm not entirelly sure on the paragraph style either, but in my class the teacher just said to write. So I did, and she changed the topic through out. It was really good. She did another workshop like this and it was like therapy. I wrote 3 pages!!
Anyway, thank you. I'll edit it after the contest, but I'll add to the contest rules that they can make it free form.
Cheers Mom
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The ending was a suprise, wow, I was not expecting that. You are pretty creative. There are some grammatical errors you might want to fix though, but it's quite nice.
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Yeah there probably is a few errors... Hmm, I have however only found one spelling mistake, "together" in part 2.
Are there any others you picked up on?
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