You could live a thousand years
From your dying day
Beasts to tame, wars to wage,
Dragons to slay
But you'd be no better off
Had you died today
I've seen the letters from home
I've been to Flanders
Where poppys grow
Where the ghosts roam
I've seen your face
In its place
And home, in its cage
Only then--did you fill me with rage?
He will come to you
In the dead of the night
By your lonely grave, your cross,
Your blight
Then there's nothing left but to fight
For he is your flight
I was at the bomb place-
The ghost-place, the fear-place
I saw the Hollow Men born
I saw the fables die
There was none save me,
For them to cry
You gave it to them,
The only choice.
The father of lies.
You could live a thousand years
From your dying day
You'd lose faith and hope
With soul
Is there anything now
Can make me whole?
Author notes
Partly inspired by Maturin's book "Melmoth the Wanderer." There may be more to this piece to come, or maybe not.
-Minorchar
A contest entry
- Can You Write Dark Poetry??? Prove it! by sparkling-assassin.
345 points, ended October 13, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inkwell Prewrite Contest by SurelyWritten.
1500 points, ended May 23, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This poem has left me slightly confused. As I read the first stanza, I thought, 'I'm going to like this...' I did enjoy the first stanza, and thought it was taking a really creative route, but after that stanza, I got confused. I didn't really understand what the poem is about. Maybe that is because I didn't read the book, or it is just going over my head, but I think this would be more enjoyable if it had a clearer purpose.
As for the style, though rhyme isn't my favorite, I do enjoy the flow value it gives. I think you did a good job with the rhyme here.
Good luck,
-S -
this was a great write...the flow was smooth and your words were strong,powerful and emotional as well...this was different from most other writes on here keep writitng your talented
xXTashaXx -
Your poem has a lovely melancholic flow to it, but not being familiar with the book that inspired it, I struggled to understand it. Help me?
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This is extreamly good.Different than most of what I've read so far.I think I've been inspired to go read that book.good job and good luck in the constests! :]
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Thanks.
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I am totally in love with this poem. Such brilliant, striking execution.
"I was at the bomb place-
The ghost-place, the fear-place
I saw the Hollow Men born
I saw the fables die"
That was my favorite part. I feel as though I have been to those places so, contrary to the previous comment, I definately saw the dark in this poem.
Cheers
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The flow was good, had difficulty seeing this as a dark write. Had me thinking more of sympathetic but my mood is presently blahzae so how I see isnt making sense. will bookmark and come back.
~*Starr*~ XXX -
Very strong and dark piece! It has a lyrical quality to the rhythm and flow. Great line break, wonderful imagery and a flair for drawing the reader deeply into your words!
~Lori
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I agree that it does sound a lot like a song. I am not precisely sure what is about that did not stop me from enjoying it. The flow and description is great and you do a great job of creating this eerie dark mood that hovers over the whole the piece. Good write!
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Thanks.
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You could make this into a song. It is excellent and interesting. Well done poet. Debby
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Holy cow! That was really awsome. I liked this poem a heck of a lot, heck I loved it. You wrote this wonderfully. Awsome writing here. Keep up the writing. You're talented. God Bless!
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My first thought was, "Sweet." I've never read this book, but after reading this poem, I am pretty sure I will. Fantasy runs through this poem somewhat lightly. Its different and well written. Nice write.
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