these are God’s stones
on the garden of silk sand
bordering the masterpiece of
scalded hopes and
prayers, embers of yesterday
blazes in the pastures of next hour’s
hymns
hologram shrubs (grown in
seeds of sorrow)
form
nonchalant eyes,
Jesus’ last supper evergreens
to let the winds of untrustworthy or
waves of deceit or
storms of sin to take away
the pastel painting’s structured frame
would be saying
‘the Lord Almighty gives up’
ironic terror that His bold fingers
and miracles
never allow—
not even in
Satan’s winter rage.
A contest entry
- Walk the Line by hoodoolover.
600 points, ended March 12, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very lovely write, full of nice imagery and metaphor, thanks very much for entering.
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Originality: 10/10
Creativity: 10/10
Sound flow/consistency: 10/10 flawless
Ideas flow/consistency: 9/10 it was more unified, the themes, but felt it could have been developed better.
Imagery connects: 9/10
abstraction/imagery is balanced: 9/10
Enjoyment: 8/10
Line breaks [if appropriate]/emphasis: 8/10 i thought it was flowing good at the same time when you broke the lines it seemed rather rushed. (stanzas 2 and 3) but not a big deal, still sounds good to me.
Length/organization: 9/10
Poem is understandable: 10/10
total: 92/100
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wow, the second and third stanzas just really stood out for me. This poem has some impressive elements, though its overall tone, by the end, doesn't appeal to me. Nonetheless, I think it's really amazing.
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This is really great Ryan... another amazing poem by you! I love your style... no way could I ever write this way... well maybe in about 10 years! Rock on! xoxo Meg
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hmmm, you got this from that pic, cool, i think you have a great mind there, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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