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Bye Bye

As you finally lose your sight
You can actually see the light
You feel like your floating so high
AS you realize you never got to say good bye
You still feel every sensation
Far better than that vibration
Your still in uniform, black and green
As you travel still to that beam
Tears start to fall from your eyes
And now you realize, you don't want to die
Try to turn around
But you just can't go back down
Life is over now for you
And there is just nothing you can do
I'm sorry to say with a hug and kiss
And I know you hate me for this
But there is nothing I could have done
Or I would have died, I would have been the one
Now the day is sinking beyond the horizon
As you are laid to rest, I have arison
There is a new day for me
But the ending where you no longer see
It is the ending of your story
But the worlds okay, don't worry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Buried in Black
    April 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Love it. short and sweet rhyming. try punctuations? just something i like to do, so it cements how it soudns. cause readers want to read it how the writer meant. I liked the topic, hoping to be a soldier one day. stuck to the subject, and it flowed. it was a very good write.


    • livingItup
      April 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      hey,
      im glad you like this. ^^. i was going to do the puntuations but it doesnt really work with this. this poem is just set in a fast pace way. except when there are comma's, thats the only slight pauses. but i appreciate the suggestion. thank you. ♥


  • Adam26
    March 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    GREAT

    Hey girl another great write as a soldier my self a relate to this poem heaps.

    I like the my you structured it words where put together well and have meaning great job look forward to reading more

    Take care
    Adam24


    • livingItup
      March 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      awe thank you. i dont know what happens in the war but i have a general idea of it. idk this was just so random. it just came to me. thank you so much. it means a lot. ♥


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There is a new day for me
    But the ending where you no longer see
    It is the ending of your story
    But the worlds okay, don't worry

    i like this poem and this part, it is like a light after a dark day, keep it flowing

1 - 6 of 6