When dark of night blankets the mesa’s rim
and a chilled wind sweeps across from the east
the coyote’s lust echoes in his lonesome hymn
as shadows dance the waltz of the deceased.
Stone creatures reborn by Kokopelli’s flute
to mate and replenish the desert lairs
then return again to the land of the mute
fulfilling hungry Anasazi prayers.
His flute blows silent as the winds give way
to rebirth of life and dawning of day.
The coyote yips once at the moon’s last light
‘fore fading away in the quiet of night.
Then the stones line up to greet the next sun
and Koko leaves, pleased with the work he has done.
Author notes
Kokopelli is a fertility deity, usually depicted as a humpbacked flute player who was worshipped by many Native American tribes in the Southwestern United States. Kokopelli also presided over the reproduction of game animals. The Anasazi existed around two thousand years ago and are thought to be the ancestors of modern tribes like the Hopi, the Zuni and the Pueblo.
As with all my poetry, I appreciate constructive feedback so that I can improve as a writer. Please give it to me straight, I'm a big boy, I can take it.
In a list
A contest entry
- Walk the Line by hoodoolover.
600 points, ended March 12, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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You created a very beautiful piece of imagery with this. Emotionally provocative, and beautifully penned. The flow was perfect, and the rhyme scheme worked very well for the piece. The way it was written, it would sound almost perfect coming from a wizened old story teller, which suits the tone and mood wonderfully. Fantastic piece!
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You are the best at what you do...writing poetry
and teaching us at the same time...I love this poem, Rory. Not only for the educational aspect but for
the impeccable flow of rhyme into beauty. Outstanding,
and personally, a gold winner to me
Love, Lane
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Absolutely beautiful....this is just simply an excellent write..
I was looking for a bit of Native American poetry..
I had hope to find a treasure such as this...
Peace
~A~ -
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderfully written poem!!!! It speaks of history and culture and even though I am of European blood I felt this piece in the deep fibres of my be-ing . . . a beautifully stated piece of work!!!!!!!!
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When I was sixteen I traveled to Arizona and was infused by the Spirit there. The land itself was saturated by ancient power, something that has been dredged from the mountains of New York where I live. I am of Native blood, only by a small trace, but this poem tugged at that connection. The Anasazi were not my people, I come from the Northeast. Even so I felt this poem with every fiber of my being. This poem speaks to the age of the people, older than Stonehenge, which Europeans seem to forget. I've always wondered about Kokopelli. I thought once I might write a story about who he really was. Create a life, loves, personality, a face for him. But that would be like describing the face of God.
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hmm i do like your native american poem thou im not sure of the wording in the 6th line but overall its great i enjoyed the ending
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i loved this poem
you brought back so many memories to me
my indian grandmother taught and spoke to me about these things
thank you for the brought back memories
to me this poem is one i know ill read over and over through out my life
wonderful poem
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Whoa. I'm Native American myself, and I can see talent, and honey, you've got it! I really like the way you did this poem; gods and goddesses of different cultures can be difficult because of people taking the different views offensively or reading way too into it. Great job!
Akasha
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Very well done ~ I enjoyed this poem very much!
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Excellent!
I have many pieces that display the kokopelli playing his flute
We always referred to him as "the music man". Well, I loved your entry in Hoodoo's contest, excellent work, excellent story...as usual Always a pleasure to read your work ~Tia
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so very beautiful ,excellent piece I enjoy your notes with this as well...
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very nicely done and accurate in its placement of this photo. I especially liked the final couplet. Whimsical and fresh.
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I found this pretty flawless, I love the absoute southwest flavor, and am well familiar with Kokopelli, thanks very much for entering.
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dancing shadows
sweeps of wind
I like it -
Well , it is hard to crit such excellence. This is such a well written piece. A true gem ! The only thing I might do is make both stanzas even line number wise.
Blessings. Debby
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"The coyote’s lust echoes in his lonesome hymn
As shadows dance the waltz of the deceased"
Ooohhh, this is a gorgeous penning, my Friend...I've seen a few documentaries about the Anasazi...fascinating stuff, their story...especially how they just suddenly disappeared, without a trace...Great author's notes, too, for those who are not familiar with their grand history...Grand penning, Poet...As for your continual request for constructive feedback...when ya actually write one that requires any, I'll be there for ya...
Good luck in the contest, Sweetie...
Wanda
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Wow. What a poem that you have here. I really like this. I know about the fertility god and have seen the figures of him here and there. From what I heard, is that he was a lamed man in real life and that he couldn't hunt with the other men of his tribe because of it. So he was left behind in the village with the women all day. And he got so many pregnant that's how the legend got started. lol And the hunch back was his deformity. Pretty crazy huh? But I loved your poem. I could see the desert and the life of it with you and I thought it was great.
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Very well done. Not being from the desert, I usually think of it as barren and lifeless, but your words bring it to life.
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I agree with the comment made, beautiful and the it did tell a story with your Imagery and Images, and your notes were appreciated, something to learn and they helped illuminate the poem, best to you in the contest, I also enjoyed this much, Thank you,
m.
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Beautiful words my friend. The story here creates wonderful images.An enlightening and enjoyable read...mal
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