A painted lie . . .
A frosted kiss . . .
A varnished promise . . .
I do but wish
for just a bit of honesty.
Instead I'm given
polished smiles
and candied reasons
for why you're free
to gild your words
and cloak your vows
'til they've become
mere mockeries
of what they could have been . . .
Author notes
Sigh . . .
This poem is one of my favorites. I managed to say exactly what I wished to say in few words with the title I was given for the contest. I started writing, and then it wrote itself after the first couple words.
A contest entry
- Title Options and a Few Other Oddments by Ontarah.
600 points, ended March 14, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Golden Arena~ by Virgoan.
500 points, ended July 18, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Brevity at its finest! Well done.
Thanks so much for sharing this exceptional piece. I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~ -
An excellent write. Lovely depth of feeling. Very good imagery, flow and tone. Good descriptives. Excellent metaphor, word choice, nice alliteration and assonance. A well crafted piece and much enjoyed read. Congratulations on winning Gold. Well deserved.
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You metaphorically obliterated this contest. Congrats.
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Wow! This is great! Easy to see why it took the gold! I enjoyed reading! Best wishes!
Frogz~
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Wow, I had to read this twice! Powerful words skillfully arranged for impact! Well Done! Congrats on the trophy!
Dennis :^)
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This really does roll well ... beautifully penned. x
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The strongest part of this poem is your astounding use of adjectives. You take that one little one word "gilded" and concote a whole mess of other descriptions that make it live. "frosted kiss" "varnished promise" and "candied reasons" A truly excellent write. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Wow, that's a really strong message that you convey very well. I think the short lines really give it the more urget punch that makes it fantastic.
Keep up the fantastic writing.
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You ever so nicely conveyed your message and with a lovely free flow. It has a ring of truth many will understand
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