Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Awaken

A dream lost in a trance
A untapped slumber within
Awaken and enter this bravado reality
Or would you rather stay hidden?

Tell me now, are you flying?
Have you sprouted wings of gold?
Tell me now, are you falling?
Grasping what you cherished most?

Tell me now, are you in love?
Found a Capulet in the storm?
Tell me now, are you number one?
Getting cheered on by a crowd?

 

Tell me now, what's wrong?

Why the distorted look?

Tell me now, are you being starved?

No brilliant feast to stregthen you up?

 

Tell me now, are you coming to?

Walking back to what is fact?

Tell me now, have you been locked away?

Guarded, yet wanting to mingle?

 

Whatever you choose is alright with me

To awaken or stay in a dream

I'm just here to deliver a message

That your missing out on everything

 

But what is 'everything', I ask myself

How do I know what matters?

Maybe dreams trump the day

Should I let them consume all of my hours?

Author notes

Just a random thought. Not too fond of the ending.

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • -Ink Artist-
    March 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice flow to this piece. The ending is ever so slightly weak but I think overall this is a well formed write. You bring a lot of well posed questions to the page. Welcome to AP and I hope to read more from you in the future!

    ~Lori


  • QueenofTomorrow
    March 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like it. Inquistiveness...interesting...really, its awesome. and i like the ending. btw, you are your own toughest critic. (i'm the same way-everyone is)


  • Minorchar
    March 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I must say I like this. It flows well, and is... interesting. I liked the ending better than some of the other stanzas. The last line of the sixth stanza contains a 'your' that I think should be a 'you're.' Good job.


  • mourningmonday
    March 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Its pretty good. I like how you made stanza's 2-5 all questions. That was pretty cool. Must say, for your first poem, its really good.

    ((love how you used some of our vocabulary words from Egnlish in there too! LOL))


  • xXLucid-CatalystXx
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Creative

    Actually I liked the ending to this. You have very creative thoughts I see. Awesome poem....You have a talent to put down your thoughts in a creative way.


    • DeathOfAClown12
      March 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, maybe it is good. I tend to criticize my work too harshly, so I've been told. Thanks for the comment.

1 - 6 of 6