He ripped your hearts from harmony,
stole from you, the only man that you
could ever love,
Like the breath of wind that rattled the letter box
as the phone began its fateful ring,
he was swept out of your life,
The folded hospital sheets,
a goodbye, never spoken
His lone reminder
A fuel for drugs and money,
the one fire of a gun,
and life was shattered,
A bullet on a window pane
he broke your heart.
Look murder in the eye
vengeance pulses in your own,
sandpaper hatred, coursing veins,
his sad story holds
no meaning for you.
But…
Could you condemn a man to death?
Author notes
inspired by a board topic on msn, about prison overcrowding, and one judge has said sentances were too long for murderers. i totally disagree with this being the case, but i was shocked deeply to find that 99% said we should bring the death penalty back. i would be heartbroken if anyone close to me was murdered, but...
'an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind'
i could never be the cause, however indirect, of someones death, and be able to live with myself
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Personal Best #7 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
320 points, ended April 18, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Could You Forgive A Killer? by Alien She.
600 points, ended December 30, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wow i love it.especially the first stanza.this is really great the style,the flow i love it all.congrats on the silver
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What a wonderful and powerful poem here. It gives off so much emotion. Wonferdul job. Congrats on the silver trophy win!
*peace* -
This is powerful... & I really could.
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Very interesting subject and a wonderfully powerful write ,this is brilliant ,you have created a masterful appraoch to this which leaves the reader quite spellbound in your choice of words ,very moving very powerful ,very enjoyable read
you are only 14? you are very talented and write as if someone far ahead in years ,you have great talent fantastic job with this well done
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Wonderful topic! Great social issue that will always be an item of dispute. Do we let him pay on judgement and or do we play "an eye for and eye". "two wrongs do not make a right", yet I am hard pressed to say this in the case of children being brutually murdered.
Excellent piont on your view. Stated very wel.
Thank you for entering! -
This is an amazing poem. It's a very good topic about something real. wonderful. thanks for the comment and applause!
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Wonderful
You did a great job of sharing your feelings and believes. Good luck in the contest.
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Interesting.
I really liked the images you evoked in this, esp.: " ... breath of wind that rattled the letter box" and "sandpaper hatred". This was a strong piece with an interesting idea behind it.
Should we bring the death penalty back? I think the quote you have in your author notes says it all. Wise words. Thanks for sharing.
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I read both links and I felt this poem was the stronger of the two. You have some very clever lines and the flow was good. Also, the flow in the other poem is nowhere as good as this one.
Like the breath of wind that rattled the letter box
OMG- What a great line.
This poem has a topic that people can understand and really relate to. One thing I want to say: Remember it is not so much the complicated word structures and sentence forming but- it is the message. It is choosing the right message. There are things people relate to, as you know. I notice you work very hard on your writing and I really think it will pay off. Yup yup. You keep writing- I keep reading,
-wishing everlasting peace,
AtiVan
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