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Ebony shadows engulfed me as I awoke from exhausted sleep,
through the window dawn broke, golden hues began to creep.
Black velvet still dominant, as the young light began to grow,
a church silhouetted jet black, was framed with the yellow glow.
Yonder loch shimmered vividly, as do yellow tulips in a breeze,
ruffled water danced in time, to the swaying whispering trees.
A new day at birth in front of me, witnessed by astonished eyes,
a formation of white geese resplendent, crossed the azure skies.
Pure beauty God painted, as I gazed upon the wondrous scene,
grass and heather swayed smoothly, in air crisp cold and clean.
Grey wisps of mist lingered, consumed by the ever warming sun,
as Peace reigned triumphant, while that new day was just begun.
Then a Piper’s rousing refrain, floated past full of stirring emotion,
swelling my Scottish links past, with pride and staunch devotion.
I snuggled against my pillow, comforting warm against my cheek,
as the magnificence overwhelmed me and I was unable to speak.
Beneath woollen fleeces soft, my sleeping love had a contented smile.
the emotions we shared all night, would linger yet for quite a while.
Recalling the moments spent together, rapping on passion’s door,
as cries of ecstasy filled the night, with pleas of more, more, more!.
Sensations so intense that they caused me, to cry out unashamed,
climbing to the pinnacles of togetherness, our hunger never tamed.
For never have I endured such feelings, ever before in all my life,
than those so tenderly shared with me, by my darling loving wife.
Those moments will always be remembered until my end in time,
as well as those yet to come, when to ecstatic heights we climb.
.
Author notes
Bazza aka Barry data entered as requested.
Option 6
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me feel... by Avendesora Dreamer.
800 points, ended March 26, 2007, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BRING ME INTO YOUR MIND by WhenWillsCollide.
300 points, ended March 30, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest I Want To Feeeelll The Emotion 2!!! FOR THE WINNERS OF THE MY FIRST CONTEST ONLY..!! by dragontuba.
650 points, ended May 11, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - IMAGERY - Prewrites Welcome by Heavens Child.
575 points, ended April 20, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 79 of 79
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Simply Beautiful!
Impeccable flow and rhyme within these couplets. Imagery that makes one drift away with you. Best wishes and thank you for entering. -
Wow you are one lucky dude and she ope lucky woman
Very good poem
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OKAY all I can say about this piece is WOW...I loved it. I did enjoy this completely.Thanks for sharing such talent.
Good luck to you in this contest
Passionspromise
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i really like the way that you wrote this, i like the style and everything. great write.
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wow... a favorite entry huh?
I noticed this has been entered in many contests - and won.
I can certainly see why. Rhyme is not usually in my tastes - but I think you did a wonderful job with the rhyme scheme in this piece. I was particularly fond of the vivid imagery in this poem. I also liked the ties to a Scottish background (as I am of Welsh/Scottish/Irish descent myself!).
Very lovely. Very romantic. Melted my heart (quite a feat!).
Seriously, for me to like a "love" poem... that's saying something!
Thanks for the entry. It was awesome and enjoyable!
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A beautifully descriptive piece. Not what I had expected but very much so enjoyed, all the same
Thank you and good luck
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Very nicely written, I am a fan of your work. The first 6 stanzas especially I loved, such absolutely beautiful descriptions: Black velvet, a church silhouetted jet black, shimmered vividly, whispering trees, resplendent, azure, I could go on and on. It haS to be said that from my point of view it did stray from the point about sunsets but I know that the sunset is not the centre of this poem, it is the relationship so I cannot hold you up on that one. In fact if you just entered the first 6 stanzas, I think that would be perfect, but please do not feel like you have to. Excellent - well done. Take care and good luck! x
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Very nice write. I liked the couplets in this peice. Well done and best of luck to you in the contest.
xAngelx4xLif -
awww another rhyming one.. they are kind of getting old, as you can imagine.. i like the content of this, minus the rhyme and i think you have something great... thanks for entering and good luck to you!
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Wow this is such a beautiful poem, once again poet. You have an exquisite way with words and it shows within this remarkable poem full of emotion and imagery and the simple words that you have turned into such a beautiful flow of wonder. Nicely done poet!
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Thank your for entering this piece. It has been a while since I read about such a peaceful morn so vividly sketched.
However, some words contradict (lingered vs consumed) and some words made their lines a bit awkward (floated by full of stirring emotion, might I suggest something like floated past stirring emotion) portents to the pipes as well the listener. While the original line gives as the idea how the pipe is played but does not tell us its effect on the listener.
For future reference: you sketch beautifully in words, but paint and words have one thing in common as artistic mediums and that is that less is better than too much. -
Those moments will always be remembered until my end in time,
As well as those yet to come, when to ecstatic heights we climb.
lovely -
Well Done
I haven't read any off your pieces in a while and this was a very nice way to start again...Any case I think so
I loved your descriptive words...It flowed beautifully and it created an incredible picture in my mind...I could see and feel the love...It was passionate, loving just perfect
Thank you so much for sharing this with us
Much Love
Tessa
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wow. this is a really wonderful poem. it has a lot of meaning in the way you described the morning. i think it's a deep poem. it shows a lot of emotion for the way you feel about your wife. i think that this is a very sweet poem. it's very good. nice job and keep writing, you're very good!
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thank you for entering!
I loved the rhyming couplets and the imagery. Well done! -
Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules.
What a great trip through nature and love. I wrote a piece, recently, about a little box in my heart where i keep all my greatest memories. I imagine that this is something you keep in a similar way! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
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this poem has engulfed me in imagery...i dnt kno wat to say! you have certainly completed the task of making me see through your eyes and beyond. it is so clear
GREAT WRITE and good luck in the contest(s)
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Green eyes of the sea
Well, that is the aim of the contest .. glad you enjoyed it and you are welcome to add me to your favs., for that is my specialty ... flow, rhyme and imagery .
Thank you for the nice comments and applause, for it helps fuel the fires of inspiration.
Warm regards,
Bazza (Barry)
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Black velvet still dominant, as the young light began to grow,
A church silhouetted jet black, was framed with the yellow glow.
I loved those lines.
I can imagine this nice scene set.
Very nicely done!
-System of Cyanide
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System of Cyanide
Glad you enjoyed it and you are welcome to add me to your favs., for that is my specialty ... flow, rhyme and imagery .
Thank you for the nice comments and applause, for it helps fuel the fires of inspiration.
Warm regards,
Bazza (Barry) -
System of Cyanide
Glad you enjoyed it and you are welcome to add me to your favs., for that is my specialty ... flow, rhyme and imagery .
Thank you for the nice comments and applause, for it helps fuel the fires of inspiration.
Warm regards,
Bazza (Barry)
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Beautiful vivid imagery, in the first half of this particularly. The last half seems to be quite different from the beginning - more erotic/personal. The rhyme is well done although I feel shorter lines could have held the rhyme tighter together.
Thank you for entering this poem in my contest.
DancingRed. -
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Name in author's box..
I have complied with your wishes but had three dropouts in the process because I am using wireless internet in a remote area. As far as I know it went through and I did it the first time when submitting(I thought so anyway) but if not you will have to take my word for it or let me know again. Sorry but that is the way it is at present. It is hard to know when the line keeps dropping out just what was received and what wasn't.
The reason the poem is like is, is because the scene is being set and you can't get vivid imagery writing in shorthand. This is a picture poem with vivid pictures but I at least need tools to work with, so the use of words is important and necessary. Making the rhyming tighter is a personal preference and has no bearing on the story.
Thanks for the feedback and generous applause.
Bazza
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awww.. i think i'm in love with this poem.... i always tend to picture the words i read in poems, n this poem 100% gives me the mst beautiful Scottish morning... the visual effects r absolutely amazing... wish i cud write poems like this one... sadly, i'm not getting any inspiration... but this poem, i think is lighting a spark 4 me.... thanx...
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Nice comments.
Honey, just write what you feel. Forget all this crap about 'poetic' words and phrases because (to me) most of them look like a page from a notebook and sometimes a dictionary. Lines of random words that are mostly unconnected that leave the poet to form an opinion or a conclusion is not poetry... just word games... you have to put in the hard times if you want results. Write what you see and feel, then go back and clean it up where it needs it.
I am glad you liked it and proud that you enjoyed it for it is my way of sharing my good feelings .
Bazza (Barry)
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You know Bazza you're an old romantic at heart. I wish my husband could express himself in this way but unfortunately the words do not rest in his head. I love to hear the poetry of a very deep feeling man there is always something so poignant about it. A beautiful piece of work, well done my friend and good luck in the contest. Val
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Thyanks Val
Yeah, I've been told that before but what you see is what you get and so on, but I am not ashamed of it and if other people enjoy my work then great .. my time wasn't wasted.I write what I feel, feel what I write and write the truth ... surely that won't get me into trouble ?? (lol but it does sometimes) Thanks for you wonderful comments and generous applause
Barry
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Thyanks Val
Yeah, I've been told that before but what you see is what you get and so on, but I am not ashamed of it and if other people enjoy my work then great .. my time wasn't wasted.I write what I feel, feel what I write and write the truth ... surely that won't get me into trouble ?? (lol but it does sometimes) Thanks for you wonderful comments and generous applause
Barry
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Kaytie, thank you for such a wonderful review garnished with generous applause on my poem. I invite you to add me to your favourites because there are more coming and about 140 already on my Author's page, so I am certain there will be others you will enjoy as much.
I have many Scottish (Pipersmainly) poems that are well received over there and so I hope you have time to read them. Try Seeds of Time first for it is the basis on which all the rest are based.
Thanks a million and I hope you enjoy.
Warmest regards,
Bazza (Barry) -
aaww thanks for such a nice comment and applause to go with it. I write what I feel and say what I think.. honesty is the best policy. Poems that look like pages torn from a dictionary or a notebook of random thoughts leaving it up to the reader to form a conclusion or meaning is (in my opinion) not poetry.
Anyway, I do it my way and therefore many like it and many don't and some just wont.lol
Warmest regards,
Bazza (Barry)
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The piper plays a grand song of Scotland in your words with pride on his sleeve the author gives us his view and thoughts and they are beauty to the ears of the reader.
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Thanks love for the lovely comments and aplause and so glad you got something out of my work. Take care
Barry
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Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
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wow, such love...it makes me think "oh, I want that", but in a happy sort of way, not the depressedness that so often accompanies that thought...this poem lifted me up a bit and gave me hope, somehow....thank you
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As I've come to expect from you, my friend, another tenderly crafted work of art! Flow and meter are superb, and your rhyme is fantastic. I love the vivid imagery you impart to the readers mind as it adds to the power of the moment. A wonderful rememberance of those "Ecstatic hieghts" we all would love to have! Bravo once again!!
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Wonderful words.
Thank you so much for a superb comment and generous applause. These are my 'picture poems' that I am developing contrary to the comments by the free verse community that a few random words and phrases (not necessarily related to each other) are true poetry because of their imagery and feeling. Nothing ignites the fires of inspiration than positive comments and appreciation from respected fellow poets. Thanks mate ... thanks a million.
Barry.
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rad
thats cool as man.. hope i end up as happy as you
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Ninjaww
Thanks man ... glad it was cool... take care mate ..
Bazza
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Lovely title...A title makes a reader want to read it or run away...you made me want to read :-D
I love your imagery in the poem...makes me feel like I'm seeing all of it...I also like the personification... "water danced..." "Grass and heather swayed..."
Good write!
~Amaya -
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Nice comments
Debby, I appreciate your lovely comments and would love you to add me to your favourites ist (Oz spelling !) as I am trying to promote my work so I can get published, but that is only after you have read more of my work and made your own decision regarding that. -
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Just to let you know, you replied to the wrong person...Debby's the next one down.
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And I hadn't even been drinking either .. Thanks for the lovely comments and applause as it is much appreciated.
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This is a beauty. Your words painted such an amazing picture. Perfect rhyme amd meter. Exceptionally well done. Good luck in the contest. Blessings. Debby
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well, i wasn't really drawn in until about halfway. but it was cute. good luck
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As always---so beautifully crafted, what more can I say! You always deliver the goods in such a unique and charming way. Simply divine in every way. Well done Bazza. Good luck in the contest with this beautiful entry. It's truly amazing.
Shaz xx
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Quite old-fashioned in its tyle and a little too flowery and wordy for me personally but still quite well written!
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Brilliant
Bravo! This piece though very long, it is brilliant. It keeps your attentions throughout the whole piece. It's structure is unique and very easy on the eyes. It has a message of beauty and love and was a truly great read. Thank you for sharing.
Always pen from the heart and you shall never write wrong.
~SongByrd -
Very lovely and expressful.. I liked the use of your words.
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This is lovely and definitely ecstatic. I like your style, each stanza with a story of its own. The love expressed is deeply touching. I love your poem
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An Amazing pen sown with warmth wintin it's ink. As I read it, I found myself lost in the poem, in euphoria.
A million applauds to you for the rare feeling of the upliftment! (sorry, couldn't do much justice to it
) And to add up a spice, a lot of originality and a good rhyme and meter...
Bretly Done!
Peace and
s
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stunning...
stunning...warm....engulfing...well written piece...thanx for truly sharing uplifting feelings...and thanx so much for entering....all the best to you...peace & blessings
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Beautiful!!
This was such an amazing write and had such love and warmth throughout the whole poem. And as I read it, I was taken into this amazing, breathtaking world of euphoria. Well done on this excellent piece. Absolutely brilliant.
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Bloody hell !!
Bloody hell Vanessa, take it easy !! or you'll blow a fuse !! lol Really glad you enjoyed it so much ... for it proves the concept of my picture poems and stirs all the feelsings, but smell is the hardest to invoke.You were euphoric !! I DID blow a fuse lol aaaah love it.. Thanks so much for your wonderful support and applause.
Barry
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Lovely
A lovely poem of love so delicately written, Ros -
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Glad you liked it and thanks for commenting.
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hi my lovely daddy
It feels so great to read another beautiful poem of yours. Welcome back again. Your new poems are always welcome here by your friends and of course by whoever has the chance of knowing you here.
Love you
Wish you the best luck in the contest.
Shahrzad
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Thanks love.
Thanks love it is wonderful to have your support and love
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!great writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
your rhyme and meter with your thoughts with this, your awsome poetry.... definitely very enjoyable to read and many times over. i have found alot of originality in your words and expressions and how you have so greatly laid them out so well!!
take it easy,
-brian.
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Inspired
Thanks Brian for such a nice comment for it fires the inspiration and the want to do more.
Barry -
Inspired.
Thanks Brian, for such a wonderful comment and applause for it stirs the fires of inspiration and the want to do more ..
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Fantastic!
This was an amazing poem! I love the way you wrote in couplets! I usually never see that anymore! This was a very beautiful and great poem! I do hope you place with this peice in the contest you have entered! Thanks so much for sharing with all of AP!
-Ashley -
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That was nice.
Thank you for your applause and wonderful comment and nothing pleases a poet than to be given warm sincere comments such as yours. Glad you enjoyed it and hope you read some of my other work too.
Barry
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Bravo!
I love the word choices in this one. It sets the emotional tone and rhythm perfectly. Great imagery you have painted also. The type that changes depending upon the reader's personal experience. Great Write! ~Peace~Gary
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Thanks for the comments and applause.. glad you enjoyed it..
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So scottish in description and so romantic in its words and feelings, tis a beautiful expression of love.
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Thank you for your cmments and applause ... glad you liked it.
Barry
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That was brilliant! I truly enjoyed every moment, from first line to last. Scotland is in my heart, a place I dream of so often, so this piece touched me very much. Visually, you painted a picture so beautifully; I even heard the bagpipes and felt the breeze blowing the thistle and heather. I just loved this and how you chose to weave in the subtle sensuality and romance at your conclusion. Truly a loving write to honor your wife and a very enjoyable read. Well done! Best to you, Elizabeth
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Loving feelings last forever.
Aaaahhh Elizabeth, what a lovely name .. but I am single and I know that my ex wife (20 years divorced) would enjoy it too. I will read it to her and maybe we will shed a tear, but I thought it nicer to have a wife in this instance, just seemed a more honourable thing, that's all. Anyway, I gleaned past performances with her anyway, and the memories will always remain as the poem said. I am still the same spirit that was captive in this body when I was 17...The only difference is aging and I will be the same when it ceases to function .... then ... well maybe you should read some of my other Scottish poems and you will understand. I would love to be on your favourites list and will put you on mine and then we can swap notes ... for we each like similar things it seems.
Barry
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Good
I enyoyed this poem, though you dont know me, i would like to compliment you on a job well done. -
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Thanks dude.
Thank you for commenting and I am glad you liked it. Mate, you don't have to know me to feed me with compliments lol Love it... and what poet doesn't ??
Barry (Bazza)
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My dear Barry, You always write with such tenderness when you write of love. It spills out of your tender heart.
Your poem is full of warmth and brings a smile. Such a beautiful picture you paint with your imagery. Bless you my friend. This was such a joy to read this morning. Thank you for always being a dear friend. I love you, Sandy
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Thank you Sandy for such wonderful words and generous applause. I am pleased that you enjoyed this as i thought it just may appeal to you during these dark days. Being a friend of yours is easy for I only have to return a little of the love and affection that you shower on me and so we are both happy. Take care My Sweet.
Barry
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A most beautiful and classy piece of writing, Bella
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Thank you Bella, for those wonderful comments and applause and it pleases me to know that you received something from my work.
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Wonderful
This is a really special piece. I was really touched my the sentiments held within. There is a real softness to it which speaks of real affection and real memories of someone most cherished. I appreciate you letting us read it - thank you
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Thank you for such lovely comments on my work and I am so glad you received something from it. I can't decide if I will show my ex wife or not.... but there is another story ...
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Yet another fantastic masterpiece from you my Aussie friend.I found this a very relaxing and comforting read and to have such a wonderful wife i'd imagine must be a wonderful thing.Kenny
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Thanks for your comments and applause mate but just between you and me .... I have been divorced over 20 years... but memories will never fade .. Thanks mate, I appreciate immensely your sincere comments.
Barry
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Bazza with such a beauty laid by my side the last thing I would be thinking of was My its looks a beautiful day out there .Only kidding with the swirl of pips how could one concentrate As always a wonderful piece of rhyming poetry that draws the reader in with is descriptive words Excellent work and a joy to read
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