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Death

Death cries for my wretched soul
Only pain I feel whole

Slice of the shard, blood

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Faithless Angel
    March 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow!!
    short and not so sweet lol.
    this really blew me away!!
    you summed it all up in three lines, bravo!
    i wuv it!
    keep writing, and good luck in the contest
    faithless x


  • kelbornro
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like this one its short and sweet and trully captures the pain of death. i can see the emotion inside of the poem as well and its well written. if i might make a suggestion you could change the final line to;

    Slicve of the shard, Bloodless Soul

    its just a thought might make it slightly more catchy.
    another great write from you jem, i think you have talent

    you keep writing, i'll keep reading

    kelbornro


  • Lj-
    March 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like the description here. Very dark.


    Thank you for your entry,
    Best of luck!