Self-kept dreams
Complaints
Restraints
Conscious screams
The Hate, The Ache
Enduring the pain
Sane or insane
Slipping away
Reality's this way
My world array
Alone, in dismay
My distress
Heart felt bitterness
Sorrowful nights
Horrible fights
Halt my misery
Compensate me
Breathing eternally
Tell me what you think :)
Comments
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Like It!
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The contest this was written for adds a new atmosphere to it. Seeing as how you were restrained to forty words, this is a good piece. The rhyming I didn't like too much, a little too repetitive at parts, so you might want to be careful with that. You seem to be good with rhymes and thinking of words, and the flow and pace of this piece help set a great mood and tone. Keep up the good work.
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There's a quick flow to this poem, making the mood strong and dark. The rhyme contributes well to the overall feeling, creating a powerful and passionate poem.
I love the way your poem begins - there's a beautiful flow to it;
"Self-kept dreams
Complaints
Restraints"
Thank you for entering this poetic piece in my contest. I'm glad you were inspired by that delightful link I stumbled across.
DancingRed.
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umm hold on I have to get my mind back you blew it away. This is awesome. It's so choppy but it has emotion too. It is like exactly what goes through my head sometimes. Very nice write!!
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