What makes me depressed

Not being allowed to feel what I want to feel,
or do what I want to do,
or be who I want to be.

Not having freedom,
not having control
over myself,
my life,
anything.

When I want to be mad, angry,
when I want to scream,
shout,
breathe fire into the Heavens,
I
or sometimes some one else
will tell me to shut my damn mouth and
move  on with it,
tell me to get over it.

So I have to.
I mean, I told me to.
I try to fight me away, to tell
ME to shut MY damn mouth for once
and let me feel like I want to,
but I never can.

I am being swallowed alive
Kicking and screaming
dragged down a spiral staircase to
my awaited eternal torture,
my pain from everlasting submission.
I cannot even will myself
to let out a small cry
to show my angst
to show my distaste for what is happening
Do they even KNOW I don't like it?
WHY WON'T MY MOUTH SPEAK?!?

A lack of control,
that is what controls me.
Be it destiny,
or be it those just placed by birth
in higher positions than I.
THEY are my Masters, my Mistresses,
but of the unwilling sorts.
I do not submit to them.
I do not openly abide by their rules,
their customs,
their selfish demands...

But what I want doesn't matter any more
-I'm beginning to wonder if it
ever did at all-

My only escape
My only non-depression
My only sense of being,
of control,
of true life, the way it should be,
is
the
dark.

Hide me away and I will flourish.
Darken my eyes and I will see all.
Take me away from this omnipotent light,
this force of know-all, see-all, control-all,
and I will shine.