First time.

My first thought is if it's worth it.
Will my very veins collapse?
Like old bridges,
Tired of the traffic passing above them.
Could I even, perhaps, die?
My central nervous system shut down
As if to say, "Here we are,
The peak of life"
And then no more.
This is meticulous,
Mixing and heating; wondering all the while-
Everything is fine.
It all happens carefully,
No mistakes.
I pull back and look-
Millions of blood cells clouding upwards,
Greeting each other with satisfaction.
I push gently, smoothly, deeply.

I am gone.

On my back, the ground feels cool,
Like lying on asphalt after being thrown through a windshield
A van moving seventy-nine miles an hour,
Face down on the cool asphalt, the rain washing everything off my body.
I feel pure, the coolness is comforting in a solitary sense.
All the flashing lights and screeching noises come to a stop,
The climax, and I begin to slowly open my eyes.
My ceiling looks back at me, calm and cool and looking better.
Time goes by in this way and then I am asleep-
Waking in hunger.